I used to question my sincerity whenever I find myself doing things just to be nice or keep peace. But after thinking for awhile, I realised that I don't actually need to feel strongly for something to be sincere. I may go and volunteer at a orphanage and even though I don't really have a compassion for orphans (or children in general), I will do my best to help them because I feel for them.
Feeling and having compassion is a totally different thing. To feel is to understand and become aware. To have compassion is to be sympathetic and emotionally affected. Ask me which is healthier and I will say having to feel for another person is healthier because it doesn't take as much emotional energy as compassion! When we feel for something, we act with understanding. For example, we feel for our hands and we do not deliberately put it into hot oil! We do not necessarily have compassion towards our hands, but we feel for them!
Sometimes love comes in actions and a simple act of not moving an inch away when a bangala sits right next to you is a kind act on it's own. Of course, there is no compassion in that act, but because you feel for them, you understand that they are just humans seeking acceptance like us makes you more mindful of how you act when they are around. Just like how you don't deep fry your own hand, you won't do things to hurt them on purpose.
Your actions make huge impacts even though you don't get to see the full impact of it. And the kind of impact it takes depends on what kind of action you are doing. Be wise with your actions! 'Cause at the end of the day, it comes back to you!
There are many times where I feel disappointed with myself. For wasting time, for not doing better, for falling for my own traps again and again. And whenever that happens, I don't feel good about myself. So I would end up feeling useless, stupid and incapable.
There are also times when I look into the mirror I don't like what I see. Fat, short, ugly, pimple faced. It's worse when both of it happens at the same time. I simply feel worthless. I know these thoughts usually only come when I am in a bad mood, but that doesn't give me the excuse to throw insults at myself.
They say it takes a 1000 compliments to erase an insult.
I wasn't very surprised when I saw this because I was 'born' a Buddhist and my family believes in reincarnation. It has always been something that I feel was natural until I came across the Christian faith. I still don't know if I actually fit into any religion but I guess being a free-thinker is still the most comfortable thing to be. After all, all wars are caused by conflicting beliefs and I think one of the best ways to keep peace is to keep your beliefs to yourself and respect other people's beliefs. So, take this video with a ton of salt and enjoy!
This is not my personal story, just a story I came across. And I would like to share it with you. Enjoy.
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.
A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind. He sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whomever he was talking with something about “a thousand marbles”.
I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. “Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital.” He continued, “Let me tell you something, Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of “a thousand marbles”.
“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.” “Now then, I multiplied 75 times
52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me, Tom, I’m getting to the important part.”
“It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail” he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.”
“So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.”
“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”
“Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday, then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.”
“It was nice to meet you, Tom. I hope you spend more time with your family and I hope to meet you again here on the band. 75 year Old Man, this is D9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!”
You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.”
“What brought this on?” she asked with a smile. “Oh, nothing special, it’s just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids.” “Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out?...
After seeing my cousin getting married, I sometimes I dream of my life as being single forever.
No one to tie me down, no one to be worried about, no one to affect my emotion and I can travel the world with all the money I have. I don't see the reason why some people see it as no one to tie down to, no one that's worried for you, no one to make your day just be saying "I love you" and no one to travel with. I think establishing a relationship with myself is the most important thing and I haven't fully done so yet.Maybe it takes a life time to discover oneself and another to establish a relationship but I have already started saying I love you to myself and that feeling it gives is awesome!
The other day I was bored and I was trying to make a checklist of how I want my dream partner to be like and I think the person I am describing is very similar to myself. I am not extremely poetic, but I can be deep. I am not very simple, but I am easily pleased. And sometimes, I wish people could understand that just because someone keeps their mouth shut, it doesn't mean they are dumb!
Call me egoistic, I know I hardly am, so I won't care about your comment! Hah! But I think that's why I don't need a partner... I have myself. And if no one else in the world knows how to appreciate me, then I would rather be single. I feel like it's the self-love and self-respect I promised myself the last time I have broken my own heart by randomly dating people. So I am really careful about who I date now.
Love in my opinion starts from within oneself. If you don't love yourself, don't even try loving another person. Independence is attractive and an additional love for music is a plus point. Whoops, it looks like I have unknowingly made a better checklist for myself. Haha. When I love someone, I want to like every aspect of that person. It's hard to find someone like that, but it's important to know what you want. I definitely do not want to end up in a relationship where I just love my partner just to keep things together. Reluctant relationships are emotionally consuming! I would rather end things right away. But I know, when I love, I love deeply and I will try to work things out as far as I can... except, I know my limits now.
At the end of the day, it's between me and my partner. It is the bond we share because we love each other not the bond we share to amaze or make others envious.
Have you ever found yourself stuck in hell? So much work to do, so little time! You are so tired yet you are less than halfway through. You feel almost burnout and you and blaming yourself for not doing your work earlier. Well, if the above situation is familiar to you then this post is for you.
Ways to escape hell #1:
Don't believe in hell. Tell yourself that you are not stuck in a rut and there will be a way out. You are not disabled unless you believe that you are. There are many successful people that are described as disabled according to our society, but what made them different and more successful than other disabled people is their mindset. Even through people label them as disable, they do not see themselves differently and they believe that there is always a way to work things around in a difficult situation. Believe is a very powerful thing, use it to build yourself, not tear yourself down.
Ways to escape hell #2:
Face hell with all the confidence you have. Yes, do not run away from hell. Don't procrastinate. Just because things are hard to deal with doesn't mean that you should avoid it. If you do that, hell will just keep running after you. Face hell, or even better, confront hell! Confront hell like you enjoy doing it. If you have a difficult assignment on your hands, do it to the best of your abilities. If you don't understand something that will be tested, ask the lecturer personally. You are responsible for your own escape and you can't blame Facebook, your crush or that awesome Friday night party if you fail to escape from the clutches of hell.
Ways to escape hell #3:
Plan your way out. Set goals. I know some of you must be thinking, "But I never once fulfilled my goal!!" That's because you've been setting the wrong kind of goals. Your goals must first be SMART:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Timely
Don intimidate yourself with dreamy goals, set something that is simple! Then build up your goal archiving confidence from there. Also, it is important to have 2 kinds of goals! One long-term goal which you should always remind yourself of and one short-term goal which should be driven by the long-term goal. For example, if my long-term goal would be to get a 3.8 GPA, then my one of my short-term goal would be to study for at least an hour every monday - friday. You might think that one hour is not a lot, you small changes do make big differences! Like what Sean Covey said in his book The 7 Habbits of Highly Effective Teens,if you wanted to fly from New York to Tel Aviv in Isreal but made a one degree change north, you would end up in Moscow instead of Tel Aviv. So short-term goals help to make long-term goals more archivable!
Ways to escape hell #4:
Be truthfully happy. This is the part that you should be familiar with (if you read my blog often that is). I love to emphasize on happiness and if what you are building on to archive isn't making you happy at all then it is time to change. I know it is hard to make a change now that you have already put your foot on the path but if you don't want to wake up one morning in your mid-thirties realizing that the only reason you are staying in your job is because of the financial support it gives and your happiness level is equivalent to zero, then it's time to change. No matter what I choose to archive, the most important values to me are self-respect, happiness, family, and health. You might have different values but if your ultimate goal isn't in-tune with your values then... you know what to do.
That's all I have for now. Maybe there will be a part two.
This is to remind myself that I need to share the story about a thousand marbles in the next post! Haha~
This post is linked to my previous post, Dear Stranger.
You are trying to find yourself in every situation and you are starting to realise that almost everyone around you are unique in one way or another so you start to question yourself. Am I being myself? Am I unique? What in the world is myself?!!?! So, you try to create this unique character that you want to be and you will be that person. But actually, that isn't yourself, that is acting out a created character. Being yourself should be effortless.
Sometimes your heart screams to be heard, there are so many things you know you should say but you just don't know how to put it in words. Either that or you are too afraid of the consequences those words might create. You envision yourself to be a great friend-in-need, a person who doesn't just sit and listen but also asks questions, open new doors, give good advice and you blame yourself when you are not able to do so.
The thing is, you tend to forget that your hands cannot heal all the hurt in this world and there is a reason for that... Because your eyes can never see the whole world at once. There are still many things you do not know and many years you haven't lived so sometimes, great friends shouldn't help, great friends shouldn't give advice, great friends should just sit and listen. Too much advice can be like helping a chick crack it's egg. You are actually doing the opposite of helping! It's better to just ask questions and let them give their own answers because they are the ones who understand their situation better, not you. After all, people can open their own doors.
You love learning. You learn things everywhere and you learn mostly by observing. But because of this, you often doubt yourself on the things you do. You learn to be humble, then you learn to be highly egoistic and now you are stuck in between cuz you don't know which one to be! You are constantly wanting to be nice but at the same time, you don't want to be a doormat that everyone steps on. So you have agreed on being humble but fair to yourself by claiming credit for the things you do.
You also realised that you don't like being serious most of the time. Being serious is one of the most painful thing to you because when you are serious, everything suddenly becomes so intense, so stressful. But you are afraid that if you aren't serious at all, no one would take you seriously at all. You haven't found a solution for this yet but you know that not being serious makes you happy... So, you kinda know where you are heading already.
There is so much more things to know about yourself and being truthful to yourself is very important. You want to be happy everyday and when that happiness meter goes down, you panic. I find that you should be more accepting of sorrows and pains because after all, happiness exist because of sorrows. If you ever forget how it was like to be sad, you would also forget how it would be like to be happy. To live is to have imperfections and life is full of them. So, embrace whatever you have even if it is tears.
After a day of fun, joy, and laughter at wild wild wet, I lost my wallet. I have no ez-link, very little cash, and I am feeling kinda lost. My immediate reaction was to put on a black face and vent my anger out on everyone around me. The useless office staff who told me to fill up a form (which never works!), that bastard Caucasian guy that I suspect is the thief of my wallet, my friends (who are as helpless as me at finding my wallet), and stupid looking children that are laughing and running around. Instantly, I wanted everyone around me to feel the pain I am feeling within me but I know it wasn't right so I kept it in.
I called my dad and told him about it and he advice me to report the lost to the police. I felt a little better after telling my dad. I started using my phone's Google Map to find the nearest police station. I still feel pretty depressed but I told myself I am not helping myself cope with the situation by being so upset. So, I shook off the black face and smiled to myself and started being thankful for all the things I didn't loose like my phone, house keys, my card holder (which contains only membership cards), and I am more than thankful that I have friends with me! (thanks, shaw, guangyi and melvin~) Losing a wallet may not be a good thing, but I am thankful for it because everything happens for a reason, after all, it will be a good learning experience.
Thankfulness is a kind of positivity. We must see a kind of beauty in the things we are thankful for in order to be thankful for it. (Unless you are being sarcastic of course) And I believe in seeing beauty in everything. It's not neglecting the flaws in a situation, it is looking at things at a lighter point of view.
It is making life more worth living.
Being positive was the best thing I could do for that moment and I did not regret it. Imagine if I actually kept a black face throughout that period of time! I think my experience of losing my wallet would be far worst for me and the people around me... maybe even traumatic.
Sometimes people do things that really make you snap, and you end up hating the person. You swear that you will never want to see him/her again. So, you avoid them, talk bad about them and that makes you hate them even more. I am sure everyone has one person that is like that in their lives and when you hate someone, chances are, it is really hard to forgive them.
But we are all human and imperfection is human. Sometimes the things that we do are so wrong, even we are ashamed of ourselves. I don't know if this applies to everyone or not, but I have hated myself before and obviously, I was in misery.
Unfortunately, the sad fact is, you can't run from yourself. You can't avoid yourself. But talking bad about yourself is actually possible! People say things like, "I am so fat and ugly." And in their attempt to 'run away' from themselves, they act like someone else. Someone they admire. Someone they feel worth more than themselves. They end up feeling unconfident and worthless.
We are imperfect. Let's just accept it. You are not able to do the right things all the time, so does the person you hate and that's okay. So, laugh at your own mistakes, don't take life so seriously, don't beat the life out of yourself with regret, and always be gentle with yourself.
It's harder to love and forgive others if you don't forgive yourself first.
For not changing my blog skin earlier... Trolololol.
Omg, now my blog is so much most easier to read!!! Haha! Okay, so here's a casual post because I feel like it.
Today I ran away from hope. Lol, jk. I did my 10km Run For Hope on my own today around Bishan and Marrymount cuz I need to visit my cousin's family for some tea ceremony at 9am (she was getting married) and the actual run started at 7.45am so I couldn't make it.
I woke up at 5.30am and dragged myself out of the house by 6am just so that I could finish my 10km by 7.30am. Honestly, I walked more than I jogged. By the time I reached Bishan park I told myself that I should jogging more and I went to stalk some old man that was jogging. I don't know if this applies to you, but I feel more motivated to jog when someone in front of me is jogging. I will catch the rhythm of the person jogging in front of me and it feels less stressful than jogging on my own. But soon the old man stopped to drink water and I couldn't follow him anymore so I jogged on my own. But after awhile I resumed walking. Lol. I think I brisk walked all the way until it was 7.40am and my dad called me to rush me back home... It was then that I noticed that I can actually run. Lol. I ran all the way from the start of Marrymount road back to my house and I noticed that I was missing another 200m so I ran a small part of my estate and ended up clocking 10.2km in 1h 38mins.
Actually, I ran/walked more than 10.2km. I don't know why but the app in my phone paused itself for at least 500m but instead of being pissed, I just ran the extras. At least it didn't erase my data! I would be very pissed if that happened. Lol.
After I rush back home, I changed, went to my cousin's house and guess what? SHE WASN'T EVEN THEREEEE... She was having a ceremony at the bf's house first before coming back to her own house for the ceremony. Wahh.. I'm quite pissed uh. Should have just gone for Run for Hope with my friends. Dammit. But nevermind, what's done can't be undone.. And running/walking 10km on my own without checkpoints is quite an experience for me! I want a real marathon next time!!!!
Let's hope my other cousin doesn't get married the next time. -.-
If you believe in miracles, you believe in impossibility because miracles are the impossible coming true. So you can either choose to believe in miracles or choose to believe that everything is possible.
And I am counting the number of times you try to fool me by saying "Yup" or "Really?" just so that I would shut up. But what you don't know is... It's really easy for me to tell if a person is truly listening or just trying to please.
Many a times I would wish to tell you that you aren't living life... You are trying to handle life. And life is full of surprises that most of us can't handle. But it's your life anyways and I am sure you are old enough to know what works for you.
Maybe I should just listen more and not say so much.
Every morning when you wake up you seldom feel like it's a joy but you try to make the best of it by having a cup of coffee. You treasure life because you feel that you would only experience life once and you are trying so hard to catch and embrace every glimpse of it until the point where sometimes you become very tired of breathing. Then you loose all motivation. You feel like a slug. Dragging your feet through corridors; you feel disconnected with the world. It's as if you were in a dream. But everyone knows, after some heavy exercises, your muscles will ache and after that they will be stronger. Maybe it's the muscle of life that is aching. Maybe it's your period of reflecting and recovery. You know you will be okay again.
You tell others to love themselves because you feel that you do but in actual fact, you don't. You love others and you are constantly trying to please the people around you, being too careful to not let the wrong words out of your mouth. And when you trip and fall in the marathon of life, you blame yourself, you tell yourself that you are lousy and slow and that you really suck because others can and you can't. Like hello?! Self-reflecting is important, but sometimes, the most important thing to do is to stand up and continue running the race! There are many things I wish I could remind you of but everyone is a little schizophrenic at times and even I would forget my priorities in life so I don't blame you for it.
You like helping others... And others like to come to you for help too because you look like you have all it takes to take on life but you know you don't and you are just an average 17 year old struggling to stay above the waters hiding the fact that you are just so you can help others. Maybe you should really learn to get a boat before trying to save someone else from drowning in the middle of the ocean.
Thoughts and daydreams always fills your eyes when you are alone because life never fails to amaze you. I am sure that your thoughts are as deep as the Atlantic and you know you will never be able to share all of them with the world because you have a short-term memory. That's why your blog is called thoughts. You forget what you think and that's why you have to record them down. But not everything goes there and nothing frustrates you more than coming back home and forgetting what you want to post. Like your experience of losing your wallet.
You think about everything under the sun but the only thing you haven't thought about is you. That's why you feel like a deer in the headlights when your psychology lecturer asks you about yourself. You've never thought deeply about you that's why I am helping you think right now. You know you are talented in many ways and at the same time you know that you aren't the best in the world that's why you feel the need to be humble. You try to shine less... And you usually regret it.
I know that there are many things in life that you are trying to figure out and now you are finally trying to figure out about yourself. I am glad that you are making progress and I hope to know you better from now on.
Obviously, we can never buy time. Not for now at least. And once our time is spent, there's nothing we can do to earn it back.
Everyday we spend time. Second by second, hour by hour, day by day, year by year. Sometimes I look at my dad (a 55 year old man) and wonder if his concept of time was any different than mine. I mean, he has lived 55 years on this earth and that equals to so many many days! A day as compared to 55 years is so small... So is his way of viewing a day the same as mine or is it much faster or slower?
I feel that time is really sneaky. It moves really slowly when we are watching it, but zoom passes us like a ninja when we aren't. I think time is really mysterious in many ways because only now exists, but we feel like there's a just now, tomorrow, yesterday, and last week. But the truth is real, and only NOW exists, and if you don't live for NOW you might just be missing out on your entire life! Don't live for tomorrow! Or even worse, don't ever live for yesterday!
Yes, we should plan for our future, we should invest our time on our career and our future money. But money can never buy time. And if you missed the period of time where your friends still give a shit about you, your parents are still healthy and want to travel with you, and your girlfriend is still waiting for you to come online, money can NEVER mend back the broken relationships or buy back the time you lost with your loved ones.
The day I told myself that I would view this world positively and make happiness my piority was a day of change. And if it wasn't for the fact the I am down in the dumps, this change would not have occured.
Everything happens for a reason.
I have said that many times and I am not tired of saying it again because time after time I have found myself realising that negative events in the past actually have positive effects on the future. For example, if I didn't break up with my ex, I think I would still be wasting my life away by abusing myself. Not that it had anything to do with my ex (she's really nice) it was just me. And breaking up was a big wake up call to me. I felt like I suddenly lost everything because I built my future around her. But what it really was, was a new begining. Of course, at that point of time I didn't see this but now as I look back, I can tell that the way I react to things now is very different from the way I reacted to things before the break up.
This was mainly because of the amount of soul searching and advice I got from my friends during my lowest period. I was torn down and rebuild again. I have new view points about life and I am now stronger than I was before! I feel like I upgraded my os! Lol.
So yeah. Bad things happen for good reasons most of the time and in the next post, I will share with you my experience of losing my wallet. Yes, that happened for a good reason too.
Last night, I finally showed a little disagreement to my mother about her point of view of my future.
My parents, mainly my mom, believes that working for the government will give me a better future. Her stand was that the government always gives bonus when he should and pays a fair monthly pay whereas private companies might not (if the boss is happy you get your bonus, if he is not, you don't get it). This is also mainly because the government is has LOAAAADSA money and they can afford to pay their workers well without missing a single cent. So in other words working for the government is more stable than working for privates.
For those who know me well enough, I can be tough, but being in the police force or the military for the next 30 years of my life isn't exactly what I am looking forward to doing. Yes, it is stable and I might consider criminology (a kind of behavioral psychology) if I enter the police force as a professional (which means I don't have to wear the police uniform and I get a freaking high pay, something like a CID), but I don't know if I will be happy carrying a loaded gun around with me hoping that there will never be a time in my life that I need to use it.
Call me naive. Maybe I really am. But sometimes ignorance is bliss and not knowing so much is good. If I follow my mom's way, I have a strong feeling that there would be nights that I can't sleep. Not because I have work to do but because of all the shit I know that's running through my mind again and again like gunshots and explosions in a battlefield. And I can bet with you that there is nothing more tiring than not having a free mind.
There is so much I can do but yet she doesn't see it. My window of opportunities to her is no bigger than the window on a jail cell. I feel trapped like a bird whose cage is too small for it to spread its wings. But yet I still act as if I agree, because I know every sign of disagreement would ripple to disaster. Last night I tried and I proved myself right.
"Fake a smile and just agree." My dad always tells me. But how long can you fake a smile? My mom can talk for hours and hours about my future and if I really just fake a smile and agree, I am taking away my mom's chance of really understanding me for who I am! But I guess she will not appreciate the REAL me anyway. She never did. So when I communicate with my mom it will be "Screen saver mode: On" + Nodding when needed. How sad.
I apologise in advance for the disappointment that will come as you continue to read this post but I am not a perfect person.
If you read my blog often, you would notice that many of my post are about general life advice. Advice on how to be more positive and happy in life. Truth is, I only discover those things as I type out my post. Most of my posts are unplanned and untried. I can be telling you how changing small things in your life can lead to great outcomes but yet I have never tried that before! So for that I find myself quite irresponsible for what I post sometimes.
BUT THIS POST IS DIFFERENT.
I have tried this on my own and it works so I am introducing it to you.
When I type my previous posts, I tend to use the word "you" a lot when the problem really comes from me instead. For example,
"Everything happens for a reason. If it wasn't because of the things that happened in the past, you wouldn't be at this state today. Whether your current state is good or bad, you are in it for a reason too."
Instead it should be written as,
"Everything happens for a reason. If it wasn't because of things that happened in the past I wouldn't be at this state today. Whether my current state is good or bad, I am here for a reason."
Now I want you to try to think of a statement that reflects a common problem within you and your friends and SAY IT OUT using the word "you" for the first time and then try changing "you" to "I" for the second time.
How different are the two statements in terms of the emotions produced?
Which one has more impact?
For me, the effect of using the world "I" helps me reflect better and realise more. I believe that using the word "I" helps me to generate a motivation for change in the subconscious mind and also brings me to the point of self-actualisation.
You = Pointing my finger at others
Therefore, there will be less impact on myself
I = Pointing my finger at myself
Therefore, it is like admitting my fault and it has better impact on me.
I am back from camp! And no lie, I feel like a defused bomb. I was so close to exploding, but I am glad I didn't. I have been in a similar situation before when I went for an immersion trip Bejing for 7 days and honestly, I was stressed out to the point whereby I didn't feel like eating and I felt like I am lost by the 3rd day. But this time it was that bad, I could still eat and stay positive. I just feel like I have just ran a marathon of endurance and I am happy that I have survived it.
Anyway, stress aside, I have learnt many things from the camp. It didn't have any high elements so that was a disappointment and the days were really long to me. But it was productive 'cause I realised a lot more about myself.
I realised that life is almost like a metal concert, you can choose to either shove/punch/kick and stand firm to your ground or get pushed to the back of the room and get beaten up. I am a person who only tells you my truthful opinion if you are my close friend. If you just knew me, I would probably just agree with you even if i really disagree to make peace.
White lies have consequences too. When I tell a white lie, I have to act as if the white lie was true and that is quite a big lie to hide for 4 days and 3 nights. If I want to do what I say I will do, I need to bring out the stubborn Taurus in me and start to stand firm on my opinions. This camp has taught me the price of not being firm and stubborn enough. But of course, I must also do the firm and stubborn thing politely.
This camp wasn't hell to me but it wasn't heaven either.
For the next 5 days, I won't be online and I will probably be out of contact 'cause I am going for a camp. To me, this camp is going to be something fun and, at the same time, challenging. I am back to face my worse fear of all, heights. And this time, I choose not to feel afraid.
Today I learnt from a workshop about See, Do, Get.
See refers to what you see yourself as.
In my case, I will see myself as a person who has no trouble with heights. I will conquer things related to height confidently, believe in myself and believe in the person who is belaying me.
Do refers to taking your role.
In my case, I will approach height related activities calmly and try to absorb my experience when I am doing the activity. Embrace the feelings other than fear (trust me, I know many other things I could be feeling than just being scared). I should be proactive to the activity, not reactive.
Get refers to what I will archive at the end.
They told me to always start with the end in mind and mine was to overcome heights so that the next time there is anything related to heights, I can embrace it proudly and even be a little excited about it. I think the only way to counter fear is to face it and I hope this camp will give me enough opportunities to overcome my fear.
I am excited about water activities though..
Can't wait to raft or canoe or whatever water related stuff they throw at me.
Everything happens for a reason. If it wasn't because of the things that happened in the past, you wouldn't be at this state today. Whether your current state is good or bad, you are in it for a reason too.
Since everything happens for a reason, you happened for a reason too. You have a role and purpose on this Earth and that is to be YOU. Everyone on this Earth is different and unique in their own ways. Some are fat some are skinny, some and generous and some are stingy. You are you for a reason and it's okay to be different.
Some rip themselves apart so that they will fit the description of what's beautiful according to society. Example? Plastic surgery. Not that I am against it; I will happily befriend anyone with a good personality with or without plastic surgery. It's just that I am really distrubed at the fact that many people in this era go through some kind of ordeal that made them believe that the way they were naturally made to be is not good enough. I recently heard from a friend that although there are many Singtel Grid Girls that are very pretty looking during the F1 event this year, the one who won was plastic. I think it is through events like these that made girls (or sometimes even guys) believe that they are not good enough naturally.
It is really ridiculous to me because there are so many people trying so hard to look like a photoshopped model on a front page magazine that it feels like we are trying to change the entire railroad just because of one track! And surprisingly, this idea sells!
I think beauty has a wider range of definition than we think. In fact, beauty is indefinite because everything has a beautiful side to it! And beauty obviously doesn't stop at physical appearance.
Actions and words buy people's hearts faster than are physical feature would!
And models don't actually have to be all that skinny and inhumanly to be in the fashion industry! I think inhumanly models are used as bait in the fashion industry to lure people to buy products promising that they will become inhumanly beautiful after consuming some pills or injecting some silicon (which is what phone covers are made of) or applying some cream when in actual fact, the inhumanly models are made by computer! They are creating a whole new industry that has NEVER EXISTED when rounder and shorter people in society were accepted as beautiful in their own way.
Everyone is made different. Variety is beautiful and so is originally. Walking around with phone covers in your face and chest may seem impressive, but I think accepting and being confident about who your are is even more impressive.
The times you spent with me were short but you showed me a whole new dimension.
I have never experienced anything like this in my whole entire life and I think you are far beyond amazing. You didn't show me light in the darkness, you helped me embrace it.You allowed me to step into your realm where the night and darkness wasn't scary, rather, it was home.
When you were gone, I went back to live a life of my own. I went back to light. Light welcomed me with open arms and I continued my life as it were before you came. But I have to admit that kinda miss the magic of the night. The place where possibilities are limitless.
I want to fly into the night once again.
Never had I felt so much freedom in my life.
I miss the darkness. I miss everything that you showed me. They are the reason for my black closet. I want to bring black all around with me so that I wouldn't forget you and them. No, I am not in love with you. I am in love with the experience I had with you and I wonder if you felt the same way too.
When we looked into each other's eyes we could sometimes see the thoughts of each other. We giggle in not-funny situations and end up getting weird stares because no one else gets our joke. We talk about anything under the sky together and when we have nothing to say, we just enjoy each other's company with a cup of tea.
The way you cared, the way you tried to warn me from doing what is wrong, the way you ask me for opinions and I ask you for yours. Our relationship may seem normal but to me it is 100% magical.
The way we help each other through thick and thin, they way you back me up just when I thought no one would be there for me.. The way you hugged me just when I needed it. Because of you, I never feel alone.
You must be an angel sent from above because phone calls and messages from you makes me smile. Well... Just thank god it isn't another annoying advertisement!
You are the greatest lover I have ever met
A lover that I will have no regrets
The greatest gift anyone can ever get
And I must be the luckiest person on Earth cuz I have...
I find myself very separated from the world sometimes.
We all live life at a fast pace. Ever since the wheel was invented more than 5,000 years ago humans have been trying to invent ways to travel faster an faster. Plus, with our noise cancelling earphones plugged in and the ease of access to virtual interactions like Facebook and SMS, it's no wonder we don't realise the many beautiful things that pass us by in life. Many of us have come to the point of being so closed up that, if given the choice and technology, would prefer to teleport from one place to the other and skip all the traveling in the middle.
I think modern day technology has made traveling less time consuming but at the same time, less interesting. Yes, of course traveling 70-100 km/hr underground on the North-East line of the MRT might seem to get you there fast but it is also incredibly boring. I feel like I am trapped underground! I guess it's a good time to reflect on your day while trying to maintain your balance on the train, but I still prefer to ride a bike or go on foot if given the time and energy to do so! And for the record, I think bus rides are more interesting than underground train rides.
It's is disheartening to see many people live life like an office worker eating a rushed lunch. We just want to get it over and done with! I am guilty of that too. So, I wanna have day where I live life slowly. I want to spend a day of the week traveling on foot and that will also help me familiarize with the roads of Singapore and give me stronger legs.
P.S. I finally synchronized my blog's time with the Singapore time. Lol.
When you are in a room with 2 violins and you start playing with one violin, the other violin would sound too. This simple effect of an echo shows us one thing:
You can affect someone else by playing your own strings.
Too often, we fail to see the impact of the things we do. But in actual fact, a very simple smile can brighten a stranger's day. Did you know that it is very difficult to frown for a long time at someone who is smiling?
And
I don't know about you but I feel more compelled to donate to street musicians when my friend or the person in front of me donates. Because of that, chances are, I have made others feel more compelled to donate too. Of course, there is the occasional negative person who thinks that he shouldn't donate 'cause others are already donating, but negative people are always around and the only thing we can do to reduce the amount of negativity is by spreading positivity around us.
And
Recently, I also realised that there are somethings that we cannot change but we can always make it better by changing ourselves. I know the pain of a wrong relationship but I still have to watch my friends get into obviously wrong relationships and some times it troubles me. I often ask myself, "Why am I not helping?" but I know, if I told them, they probably won't believe me and I might even lose a friend in the process of telling. So I told myself, "I know I can't stop them from jumping off a bridge, but I can always be there to catch them when they fall."
Changing yourself is changing the world.
It may sound ridiculous but it is true.
After all, you are a part of the world and every impact you make will spread like wildfire.
You are powerful because you can sound the music in others simply by playing on your own strings. We are more than violins, we are full-bodied music because we have a heart. A heart that beats like drums. So speak words from your heart, do things from your heart because these are the loudest actions that will sound into the hearts of others.
"Autumn is the hardest season for a tree because their leaves are all falling like they're falling in love with the ground, leaving them naked and lonely. I keep trying to tell the trees, "Don't worry! New leaves will come around in the spring!" But you can't tell a tree those things... Because trees are like me, they just stand there and don't listen."
Some tough seasons are longer than storms. During Autumn the leaves fall from the trees, leaving the trees with only a few leaves and just when the trees thought it couldn't get worse, winter comes and they are stripped bare of leaves and left in the cold dry air for another 3 months. We, too, experience similar things. Some times when we thought things were bad enough and that they couldn't get any worse, something even worse happens and we feel like we have lost all hope.
Unlike how rainbows do not always appear after storms, spring has never failed to come after winter and that's like a promise from the universe that things can turn out better no matter how crappy your current situation can be.
This post is about a poet that writes poems close to my heart. I have never really introduced her 'cause I was thinking that no one would be interested in poetry especially when it's American because I can understand that some people have difficulties understanding American accent. However, I hope you do try to understand what she say 'cause every time I listen to her, it leaves me in awe. I will literally have my jaw dropped and by the end of my poem I'll be smiling.
Her accent is understandable to me but she speaks really fast. Even I need to refer to the actual poem to understand what she say sometimes. So I will post the poem below the video for you guys to refer to.. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
It was the type of quiet that twitched like fire,
Naplam silence It was the tick, tick, tick before the bomb, but without the bomb or the tick will they looked me over
they're parental lenses five feet thick
Protection from the glare of the mutated form that was once their
Sweet, Little, Daughter.
They wore their smiles like condoms I curled myself into the least viral form I could think of, held back a cough, and asked for a glass of water Silence here, but in their eyes:
"This ain't no Jerusalem girl, ain't no messiah here gonna go feeding no leper."
Silence.
"You're 25 years old, where the fuck's your diamond ring? "
Silence.
"Ain't no wonder they all look at you.
Wash your hair,
take that metal shit out of your face,
you dress like you live in the streets for fuck's sake and
Why the hell are you sittin' like you got a cock between your legs?"
Silence.
"Ain't no wonder you don't have a ring.
I'm aware not saying just any boy's gonna do Don't you ever bring home
no spick,
no nigger,
no hippie,
no jew,
no long-haired faggot flipping his flaming little wrists,
I'll tie him to the fence myself."
Silence.
"Oh now look at you.
Acting like you're all scarred!
Like you've been doing some hard time seeing to get your mommy and daddy to call to bawl about some BITCH gone and broke your heart?"
Silence.
"You and your fucking heart.
I would have torn it apart myself years ago
Had I know you would use it to put this family through hell.
You got something to say to us?
You're just fucking bag it.
Do you have any idea what it's like
For us to walk through Walmart with the whole town knowing
Our daughter's a FAGGOT?"
"...you mean dyke."
"What?"
"You. Mean. DYKE. And I've got, she's got, we've got
The 12 inch cock, harness, and ready to prove it.
Do you think I've got five minutes to waste
in the rates of your picket fence
right wing pedophile preacher finish-line?
I don't think so.
Your ignorance bores me,
and I wouldn't suck a dick,
a real one,
anymore then I'd take a ring from some prick
who thinks my clit sits a foot inside my body,
give me a break."
I'm gonna wait until this end of the sea. Waterfall of woman's spilling over me
and her sexy self dancing in the poles of the lines
of my outstretched thighs
until our two bodies as one
beat down all you've done
or ever will do
with your righteous republican sanctity.
I don't believe in your goodness,
with your should that's and should this.
I'm so tired of even wasting my breath,
my ink on this shit.
I just wanna shut my mouth now and maybe
roll my words smooth and easy
over a perfect picture of beautiful,
because there's
so much beautiful.
But I can't touch you
when your ignorance keeps dismembering
every piece of patients I have left,
and I can't help but wake every morning
remembering a front page clipping of a boy
from Wyoming who had his face stained red
by the hands the of two products who tied him
and beat him and left him for dead
and when they found his body,
through all the blood
the only clear skin on his whole face you could see
were those lines on his cheeks
that his tears had washed clean.
And that might be crime you would never do
but those killers had teachers and preachers and neighbors like you,
so don't fuck with me.
I was your sweet little girl
when you were sweet to me,
so don't expect me to listen to
your version of right.
I've got ears of my own,
I spent years on my own.
You say one more thing I don't like,
you say one more THING I don't like,
I'm driving to Walmart myself hanging up a fifty foot billboard that says "Mark and Shirley's daughter Andrea is a FUCKING DYKE."
As far as I have tried to forgive, I know I haven't been very successful in doing so. I would love to dance around with the person who has once inflicted pain on me and pretend that he didn't know what he was doing at that point of time but I am so sorry, I am not Jesus. As one of my favorite poet, Andrea Gibson, said:
"Jesus said “Forgive them father for they do not know what they doing.”
Is that true? Do we not know what we have done?"
When we bully/scold/insult someone. Do we not know that we are inflicting pain on that person?
I find it self-betraying to forgive some people because I know if I ever fall back into that rut that I was before they found value in me, they would happily join in and bury me alive. These people are nothing but social puppets that kiss the boots of the popular and kicks the ass of the degraded. It's sad that they fail to see that the degraded may one day turn into the popular because the wheel of fortune is ever-turning (you might be fortunate today but not tomorrow; so count your blessings). But anyways, hanging out with someone who 'clicks' with you is the most important thing. So what if you are in the popular gang or the unpopular gang?! No use being in the popular gang and not being able to 'click' with the people in it. You will most probably end up being some looser outcast of the group! Haha, I'm happy as long as I know that my friends are true.
I also find it very difficult to forgive some people that left a scar in my heart. I find it almost impossible to pretend that nothing has happened and look at the person the same way again. It's like a change of impression and only another impression can change this current impression.
Holding grudges is a tiring thing to do. It makes situations awkward and it causes negative thought and feelings. I think if I interact with these people more often and get to understand them further I will be able to forgive them but I don't know if I have the patience to do it or not.
Before you read, this is really just a reflection post. It's not meant to be entertaining in any way.
I am the kind of person who gets really awkward when asked to lead in a situation. I am very afraid that the people under me will hate me for any possible reason and I certainly do not want to be a leader that doesn't listen. Therefore, I came to a conclusion that when ever I was made to lead, I would ask my members for opinion and let them lead. This approach of leadership is good when it comes to members that dare to speak up, but what if I come across a group of members who just stare at me blankly when I ask for opinions? That's my biggest fear because it would be very awkward.
Of course it is good to include the thoughts of others and ask for opinions whenever you lead, but asking your members inappropriate questions like, "Okay, what do we do next?" is kinda unprofessional. It makes you look as if you are not even sure of what to do as a leader! I think my biggest mistake in leadership is too much worrying and thus causing me to not be able to be firm in my decision. I am constantly paranoid that people are thinking negative thoughts about me and getting bored even if they really aren't. I failed to realise that the only source of reason as to why people will get bored is my belief that they will become bored.
I feel that the most important factor that I should improve on is confidence (and I thought I had enough of it). I need to know my role and what to do and be confident about my choices. I need to learn how to proceed on with initiative rather than sitting there waiting to be spoon fed with tasks.
With that, I hope I improve on my leadership skills. Can't wait for leap camp all of a sudden.
They say you blog the best when you have nothing to blog. So today I shall try it. This post may be a bit random.
Recently, I notice a few flaws in my appearance. My taekwondo master unintentionally gave me a size 3 belt and when tied, the ends of the belt (the two long parts that are supposed to dangle below like a moustach) were too short. They looked like butterfly wings stick out from my belt! It wasn't my master's fault, size 3 is supposed to be the correct lenght for my height. So I thus conclude that I'm fat and it's time to loose some weight. My belt is my ultimate motivation now. I don't know why but I developed this thought since I started taekwondo when I was a kid, "Long belts make people look like dragons even if they are not very good fighters are short belts make people look like harmless butterflies." So in my context, I currently look like a harmless butterfly. Lol.
Another flaw would be my face. I am getting more and more pimples and I don't know why! I think it's cuz 'the time of the month' is near. I have a bad habbit of popping pimples. My brain knows that it will leave a scar, but my brain also believes that if I do not pop my pimple, it will take a super long time to disappear and popping the pimple will release the pus allowing quicker healing. The truth is, popping pimples creates a wound that will be prone to further infection of the pimple, the pus may get into the blood steam and spread the infection around the face internally or spread around the skin affecting your face externally (I read from a book), and lastly, it causes scars. Although I know all these, it is still very temping to pop pimples. Lol. I need to control myself..
I am not sad about all these flaws. They give me a chance to change for the better. Anyway, they are all just minor external flaws. I am thankful that I am healthy.
Procrastination, hesitation and avoidance are usually caused by fear. Fear creates borders that we do not dare to cross. Even something as simple as learning how to ride a bicycle can be stopped by fear.
Most of the time, fear exaggerates things negatively. It makes us enter a slippery-slope argument. An example of a slippery-slope argument would be:
"We must not give our child too much money as he would become spendthrift and not know the precious value of money. When he grows up, he is going to continue spending money this way and become bankrupt."
Another example,
"We should not slide down a slide backwards because it is dangerous to do so. When sliding down the slide backwards we do not know what is behind us. What if there are sharp objects? What if we slide out of the slide? If any of these things happen, we might break our backs and become paralyzed."
Notice that all the arguments tend to exaggerate the negative side of things. Yes, a child MIGHT become spendthrift and sliding down a slide backwards MAY be dangerous, but that doesn't mean that he/she will become bankrupt or break he/she back. When we fear or worry too much we will assume that a chain reaction of bad things will happen if we proceed on with the feared action.
Of course, some fear is good because it prevents us from hurting ourselves. I do not recommend you to go skydiving if you are uncomfortable with it. I am just saying that things are usually not as bad as we think it will be.
When problems or challenges arises, we should stop fearing and worrying about it and just do it. I think our main source of procrastination is through fear; fear that we are not able to excel in something or fear that we have too much to do and cannot complete it. I remember how I would do my POA homework first before I did others like my math homework because I am sure that I am able to complete it without getting stuck in the middle and not because I had any passion for POA. But if we take away this fear and plunge in, we would be able to do more.
Just remind yourself, things are usually not as bad as what you visualize it to be and fear is a self made emotion. So, we must not let fear control us but we control our fear.
PS: I slide down the slide backwards the other day and I survived.
To be really direct, I don't like it when there is CCA during my holidays. I really like my CCA, but going back for CCA during the holidays, in my opinion, is even more boliao and pointless than going back for extra lessons! Why? Because extra lessons help improve your grades for exams and CCA generally do not have exams! Well, at least mine doesn't!
Sigh, this is dumb.
Sometimes I regret joining a CCA. I regret making such commitments. It's not even compulsory, why did I do it?
But I don't hate my CCA.
I just don't like the fact that while all of my friends are happy gathered together, watching a movie and going for dinner, I have to go for CCA. It's not my CCA's fault. I think all CCAs resume during the holidays.
But still I hate CCA during holidays. I just wanna stay at home and slack or be with friends. Damnit.
I proclaim myself single and happy on the same day last year and I am back to square one this year. Maybe I am running around in circles. Maybe I need to move on further.
But through the wise advice of Davey Wavey,
"If you are not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship."
Thank God for all the wise people in my life. They might be the same age as me or they might not even be human but they have taught me something. Most importantly they have taught enough to pull me out of the rut I have been living in for the past 2 years plus of my life.
My mistake? I never let go.
A little more than 2 years ago, I broke up with someone whom I planned my life around. When she left, it felt like I have no more future. It felt as if every had gone along with her. I recovered slowly and formed a new future, one which is for myself.
And I am happy for that.
About less than a month later, I got a new girlfriend. Okay, actually a few. It didn't last. I was just 'slutting' around hoping that someone else could heal the wound she had made in my heart. But little did I know that the only person who can heal it is myself. So, I stopped dating and tried being single.
And I never regretted that.
But even after that, I would still have dreams about her. And in those dreams, she would either be asking me if we could get back together or we already were back together. Slowly, I've learnt to reject her in my dreams.
And that made me stronger.
It was a painful process. I would still think about her and cry one random nights. I couldn't wait to get into another relationship. I was trying to fill that hole in my heart once again. No one wants this kind of pain. I just didn't know how to stop it from coming back. I believed that if I went back in time, I could change things. And although I spent countless amounts of time persuading myself that it wasn't that perfect anyway and I am glad that it's over, a part of me is afraid that that will be the best thing that have ever happened to be and nothing better will ever come.
And that made me impatient.
I think there are many people around me that are desperate for love. They want a relationship. They want someone who they can call theirs. I guess it's human nature to want love and attention but the waiting process sucks but I know that love is a magical thing and the only way it will happen is through fate. There is no way we can cut the wait! You will just waste your time dating a few million people and still not get 'The One'.
And that made me realize.
After my taekwondo class, I was changing in the toilet with my friends. My senior was talking about his ex-girlfriend to another senior outside (it was still in hearing range) then my master suddenly budged in and said something that, in my opinion, hit me harder than it hit my senior. He said, "It's EX-girlfriend already not girlfriend anymore! Past tense already! Why are you wasting your time and emotion on her?"
And through that, I was enlightened.
A series of things happened after that incident. These things happened as if they were planned by some God above. First, I decided that I wanted to repent for my spiritual well-being. I really have a lot to repent on and that includes drinking. Secondly, I had a chat with my friend, Shawleong and I told him that I really admired his not-ready-for-a-relationship attitude and he told me a lot (which I won't say here cuz that would invade his privacy). I also had a chat with a few other friends of mine which had the same view. Thirdly, okay this may sound stupid, but I watched Spy Kids (WARNING, SPOILER AHEAD) and the villain in it was called The Time Keeper and to cut the story short, he wanted to go back in time to be with his dad cuz he regretted not spending enough time with him. But to do that he must stop the time of the world (thus causing the end of time = the end of the world). He succeeded and went back to see his dad but went he came back to the present (as an old dying man), and he told the spy kids, ".....you were right, nothing did change. My dad still died. I still haven't spent enough time with him. Live in the present and not the past because you can't change the past."
Now, my mind is clearer than before but I think I still have a long way to having the right thoughts. Well.. at least I am sure of what I don't want for now.
I went back to my secondary school on Thursday (two days ago) to celebrate teachers' day. It's funny how teachers' day always feel more special after you have left the school.
Teachers.
We see them as a higher authority. Sometimes we even see them as a perfect being. The thought of your teacher/lecturer dancing to the latest k-pop hits or getting high after a few drinks would seem odd and amusing. But they actually are normal people who make mistakes, have bad days, get scolded by their bosses, and have a need for stress relieving entertainment; they just don't show it (or at least the more professional ones wouldn't. I know of teachers who bring their moods into the classroom and lash it out at students).
Maybe it's because of this that they seem inhuman.
Maybe it's because of this that we think that they wouldn't understand us.
Maybe it's because of this that we think teachers are worry-free.
Maybe it's because of this that we find it surprising when their itunes library is accidentally flashed to the class, songs like, LMFAO - Shots or Britney Spears - I Wanna Go appears.
Truth is, they are all just a more knowledgeable other that is trying to bring the best out of us.
O'levels has brought me much stress and I think it's a great experience. To me, it seems that the last year of your secondary school life is the year that you really see the most out of your teachers. Most meaning good and bad sides. I have seen the ugly side of some teachers and the angelic side of some. But no matter how much I think they deserve/don't deserve to be wished on this they of the year, I am sure they have impacted someone's life (just not mine) in their journey of teaching.
So, Happy Teachers Day to all teachers/lecturers.
And also, I tend to learn from everyone around me. Although they are not consciously teaching me, I learn things from then through their actions or from having conversation with them. This is why quotes like, "Wise men profit more from fools than fools from wise men; for the wise men shun the mistakes of fools, but fools do not imitate the successes of the wise." or"You can never learn anything from anyone that agrees with you." exist.
Therefore, to end this post I would like to say 3 things,
I survived my first sem of poly life. Turns out that poly life is awesome!! I haven't updated my blog for a super long time cuz I don't think anyone is reading my blog and I was wrong!! A few people are! But that's not the point. My initial reason for blogging wasn't to be a famous blogger; I wanted to sort my thoughts out through blogging.
The magical thing about putting thoughts into words is that you get to read what is on your mind and edit it. It is like taking out all your messy worksheets and handouts from your bag at the end of a week and filing it into their assigned files. Although you still have the same amount of worksheet, it is now neatly organised and put in a place where it's easily accessible. I don't know how you manage your worksheets but usually I will hate myself for not filing my worksheets up at the end of a week cuz it would mean that I will have a lot of messy papers in my bag.
I used to take blogging as an excuse to practice my English. During my secondary school days, English paper 1 would have topics like "Peace" or "Parents" or "Power" (I have no idea why they are all 'P' words) and usually my ideas for those essays came from blogging. So my essays are actually like 'canned food' essays; instant, and convenient!
Anyways, I am posting this to sort out my thoughts on blogging. I am very high on motivation this holiday and I plan to do many things. One of which is to revive my blog. So here I am with a bright bright blogskin cuz I am not in the mood to find a better one just yet!
I guess I have to be really honest with myself and say that I never really got things sorted out in love. I had desperate crushes (crushing on someone better than the others just to fill the hole in my heart) so many times and most of the time it really hurts. I wish I could just stay out of this love love shit but somehow my mind just doesn't allow that.
These few months, I had this person on my mind but now she is slowly fading away. I hope I can remain crushless after this because I am really sick of love. I really just want to be inhuman for awhile and say things like, "There is no love that lasts forever." and "Love is stupid".
And from tumblr:
"To be in love is like jumping off a cliff with no intent on looking down at the bottom. You don't care how its going to hurt like hell later, all you care about is that short period of time... when you felt like you could fly."
See how dumb love is?
But I am still gonna fall into it's trap someday..
Due to social and media influences on self-image. Many people out there are starting to be insecure with themselves. The media portrays skinniness as beauty, thus causing this massive social conformity about being thin. Almost everyone wants to be thin because they want to look better. They want to look something like the beautiful people in the media that might not even be real. To me, being a bamboo pole isn't the only thing to beauty, there is much more to it. But if people really want to be skinny, at least choose a healthier way and safe way to be skinny.
I don't want to say much here. If you really want to know more, you can just ask me. I have stuff to recommend. FOR FREEEEEE. :)
This is just a draft version. The full one should be out soon after I do the entire song and improve it a little more. I am not fully happy with this cover yet, I think there are certain things to change but I posted it up anyway cuz I couldn't stand how long it is taking to perfect this thing while keeping it to myself. :P
But anyways, lets hope the full version will consist of a proper video. XD
Okay. I am sorry that the title of this post is a little bit too enthu, but the reason why it is all in caps is because if you say "Aim to win." in a very dull tone, it just doesn't sound aggressive enough to win. ><
Not very recently, I read a book which has a little content about a samurai's way of life. Basically, back in the day, a samurai is a Japanese swordsman. They constantly kill and are constantly wanted killed, so their lives are in danger most of the time. This makes them thankful for every sunrise. They treasure every second of their life so that they die with no regrets. This mentallity has helped the samurai to do everything to the best of his ability and not take life for granted.
I think many of us take life for granted. Chances are given to us but we do not treasure. If we all had the samurai's mentality in the things we do, then maybe we will have lesser regrets. Live every second to it's fullest!!!
Give your best shot. Don't aim to pass.. Aim to win!
I have never expected time to pass so fast. I have just gotten used to secondary school and the next thing I know, I need to start adapting to poly life. It wasn't as scary as I thought. Maybe the scary part isn't here yet because they still don't know me enough. But I can't hide it for very long and sooner or later they will learn about my unstraight-ness and I will see who are my true friends.
No matter how, I don't expect it to be as bad as secondary school because after glee, queer as folk, burlesque and all that gay content shit, the existence of homosexuals shouldn't seem so surprising anymore.
Okay.. I will keep this post direct and simple. After all, I am blogging on my phone which gives me an added inconvenience of including a picture to make this post slightly more noticable and 'tempting' to read.
So, the thing I realise about many people is their need to 'show off' what they are insercure about. For example, a person who has just learnt how to skate on a skateboard would bring his skateboard around to show that he can skate. He might think that skating is a really cool thing and that bringing his skateboard around will enhance his 'coolness' but in reality he doesn't really skate like a pro. In order to be cool and hide the fact that he doesn't skate well, brings his skateboard around to show off.
Another example is when one shows off his diversity of knowledge randomly when noone actually asked him for the information. He tells you that he has been to orchard road for a million times, knows every building in orchard and he ensures you that he knows them better than you because he 'always' goes there. There is a high chance that this person thinks that cool people always hangs out at orchard road and therefore showing that he knows a lot about orchard road actually shows that he is one of the cool people.
Actually... There are no cool or uncool people. It is just the insercurity of the mind that works hand in hand with the media and cause someone to believe that they are lousy in some way. This leads to people showing off.
I miss the big sheets of seaweed. I miss the rats, lizzards and all their shit. I miss how much of a big deal ot would be if a bee came in. I miss how I would doze off hoping that I wouldn't get caught. I miss my form teacher spending half her period on "admin stuff". I miss the monopoly deal sessions. I miss the truth or dares. I miss the feeling of relief when my math teacher forgot to ask about homework.
I was bored last night and my right brain was itching so I decided to draw stuff. I also drew "L" from Death Note... You can see it in my Facebook album "Random Sketches". I will be posting more sketches on Facebook if I happen to sketch something nice!
I don't know about you guys but drawing has always been my favourite thing to do as a kid, I remembered how people would take out some foolscap and start drawing stuff when they are bored during primary school. Sigh, good times.
Haha, okays. I am just being really random here! People who are done with the O'levels, go sketch, read, play, do something that you like!! It's the holidays for us and it won't remain as the holidays for long! So PLAY HARD!!! \m/
But I seriously think it really is a waste of time...
Why am I gonna publish this post anyway?
But somehow I have published it.
So here you go.
This is a pointless post from a love sick girl whose person she is love sick over doesn't even know she is love sick about her. However, she is not gonna tell that person that she loves her, simply because she is too confused and afraid of love.
Staying single is plain and painless.
Plain and painless is peaceful.
I should probably stick with that.
"If she loves you she would say it, if she trust you she would do it, if she wants you she would show it, if she needs you she would prove it, if she doesn't she not worth it."
Confidence is believing in yourself even when no one else believes in you. This is something we should all keep in mind in this competitive world because when everyone is competing for something, there sure are people who will look down on you and it doesn't help if you look down on yourself too.
I personally think that confidence is a form of self-respect because having confidence means that you are not looking down on yourself. If you think you are pretty much useless and good for nothing, everyone else around you will be convinced that you are useless and good for nothing! Why label yourself that when you are obviously good at something? Disagree with that? Well, then just be good at being yourself! And THAT is actually a true talent! Look at the number of people that have been led astray by superficial things and popularity... The number of people who focus on beauty but not health... The number of people that care too much about how people look at them... DO NOT value yourself according to how people look at you, the only thing that matters is how you value yourself. You are who you are and you need not change who you are to please others.
Because at the end of the day, the most important thing in life is not losing yourself.
Everyone is made different and unique. It doesn't matter even if you are the loner in class or a failure in studies as long as you have tried your best, have confidence in yourself and you will do something big in your life.
But take note, it's being confidence that I stressed, not being cocky. Lol!
