Grudges

I hold grudges.

As far as I have tried to forgive, I know I haven't been very successful in doing so. I would love to dance around with the person who has once inflicted pain on me and pretend that he didn't know what he was doing at that point of time but I am so sorry, I am not Jesus. As one of my favorite poet, Andrea Gibson, said:

"Jesus said “Forgive them father
for they do not know what they doing.”

Is that true?
Do we not know what we have done?"

When we bully/scold/insult someone. Do we not know that we are inflicting pain on that person?

I find it self-betraying to forgive some people because I know if I ever fall back into that rut that I was before they found value in me, they would happily join in and bury me alive. These people are nothing but social puppets that kiss the boots of the popular and kicks the ass of the degraded. It's sad that they fail to see that the degraded may one day turn into the popular because the wheel of fortune is ever-turning (you might be fortunate today but not tomorrow; so count your blessings). But anyways, hanging out with someone who 'clicks' with you is the most important thing. So what if you are in the popular gang or the unpopular gang?! No use being in the popular gang and not being able to 'click' with the people in it. You will most probably end up being some looser outcast of the group! Haha, I'm happy as long as I know that my friends are true.

I also find it very difficult to forgive some people that left a scar in my heart. I find it almost impossible to pretend that nothing has happened and look at the person the same way again. It's like a change of impression and only another impression can change this current impression.

Holding grudges is a tiring thing to do. It makes situations awkward and it causes negative thought and feelings. I think if I interact with these people more often and get to understand them further I will be able to forgive them but I don't know if I have the patience to do it or not.