Parents.

We constantly grumble about our parents.

Only occasionally we remember the need to be loving and thankful to them.

We complain about them to our friends and on our blogs. We think that they are talking nonsense when they are advising us. We feel numb to their nags and scoldings and feel that they are just an addition to the noise pollution in our homes. We say things like, "They don't understand me!" or "It's MY life!" When we understand even less about them and they brought us into this world.

I am guilty of that too.

Parents.

Why do they bother to scold us? Why do they want to give us the best in hope that we produce the best that we can? Why do they want to have a say in the decisions of our life?

Because because, my friends.....

They see themselves in us. They love us as they love themselves and thats why they do not want us to fall into the same traps as they did when they were younger. They want us to do better than them and they are proud when we are in great positions. To them, our winnings and achievements are no different from theirs. WE ARE THEIR CHANCE OF BEING YOUNG AGAIN.

Parents.

Always to help,

Never to harm.

Always to love,

It's just that we couldn't see.

Just like how much I want my choir to be better and more powerful even when I am not in it anymore. (:

TAGGGIIIEESSSZXZZZZ

I Am Killing Myself.

I have $2500 walking around in my house,

They can go in different directions somemore.

MY DOGS LAHHH! HAHAA.

I was quite humoured with Ruwen's statement about Coco Channel (A dog) being a walking 3K. At first I didn't get it, and when I did, I shat my pants.

And my 3rd ear hole closed. (Yes, the one that is half bone.) Sigh, gtg pierce again. 77th street. Let's hope I don't rot my ear. :/ Hate the stupid ligament in my ear.

*PS: Shat my pants is just an expression. No pants were harmed in the making of this blog post.*

No Gay, No Me.

"My sexuality is just a small part of me. Me being lesbian is a small thing!"

THIS IS JUST A COMFORTING STATEMENT PEOPLE.

Truth is,

My sexuality is everything of me.

AND it is certainly not a small thing.

I am a lesbian. And I see the world in the eyes of a lesbian. That's why my thoughts are thoughts of a lesbian and my emotions are as faggoty as I am.

When boys snicker as they pass me, I would think that they are giggling because I am lesbian. When some one refer to me as "her friend" even when they know my name I would think that it is because I am lesbian (Happened before, I even had an eye roll with that). When I see my mom, sometimes I see a woman who might reject me for my sexuality in the near future.

When I say that I am lesbian on my blog,

I imagine people reading it with faces filled with disgust.

Yes, of course it affects me. I am human! But I am not going to go for dick just because of the way you look at me. I am lesbian. Yes, feel disgusted all you want! Snicker all you want! Reject me for all I care! I will still be here on this earth blogging advice, doing music and loving the world to the best of my ability.

But the statement:

"Yes, I'm lesbian.

No, I don't feel like fucking you at all."

Still stands. (:

The only limitations that exist in

The Universe are the ones you set.

PINK DOT 2010

(15th May, Saturday, Hong Lim Park!)

Make Peace. (:

Let There Be Peace.

It cannot be washed off when you are bathing, it spoils your appetite when you're eating, it causes you pain and ruins your happiness, yet you still cling on to it, as if it would help you win the war. It causes you to shun and avoid, it makes you wanna hide, sometimes it causes you fear but yet you still cling to it so so dear. You think of it day and night, although you know that you are wasting your time. "It sounds stupid!" you say. But that's just how we humans are when we cling on to hate.

Hate, especially hate for our enemies are chains we build for ourselves, pain we inflict on ourselves, and happiness we take away from ourselves. Why do such a thing to yourself? Let go, love, forgive and set yourself free. Then, you would realise the beauty of this universe and experience your life to the fullest.

Make Peace.

DON'T FORGET TO TAG :D

Pessimism Is Holding You Back.

Pessimism is a fear.

Pessimism is the devils way of pulling us down.

Pessimism means half your mind and heart has already given up.

Pessimism means your imagery or the road to success is broken.

When we fail and are in the deep abyss of suffering, the most important thing is to learn to stand up and be optimistic. Think things like, "Let's try again." or "Failure is the key to success." then we will have the strength to continue the journey to success. Once we start to think things like, "I am a failure." or "I have lost everything, it is impossible to restart from scratch." or worse "I am just not made for this." Then half of you or the whole of you has already given up.

Strength is within us, We don't know how much potential we have until we push ourselves to the till the limits.

People who are in their downtime have NO RIGHTS to pessimism.

"If you expect the rain, don't be surprised when you're struck by lightning." - Damien Cannon

The Universe Speaks To Me.

I miss choir and Mr. Lim.

But the sole purpose if this picture is just tell you all....

"Yes, that's me conducting." :X

*Kidding*

Sometimes, when I have too many things to post, I just end up not posting any at all!

Please,

Tag lehhhhh ):

Okay, I can't just "preach" on my blog all the time, after all, it is MY blog. I am suppose to write about my day, and things that I feel are important to share. (:

Today I almost punched my F&N teacher in the face. But I am very glad that I didn't do it cuz that would cause me nothing but trouble and guilt. I just don't like people shouting at me!! Sitting down and talking calm sense into me creates a larger impact than shouting! But I guess she is stressed too...

MYE is coming and my coursework is no where near done :/ Sigh. BUCK THE FUCK UP JT. I love Indah Kim, Natalie Chan Ruwen, and Dorna Kash for calming me down and cheering me up. And Jeannette for the milk candy. :D

Also, special thanks to Chan Chuwen for that blank + shock stare in the canteen while I was crying, cussing and venting my anger on the table.

Well, I don't blame her,

It's kinda freaky seeing your senior cry out of anger. :X

We are all human~~

Gotta go do math & chinese! :/

Bye! Stay happy even if it makes you silly!

Procrastination.

I am a victim of the theft of time, Procrastination.

In fact, I am being stolen from as I type this post.

After this I must not procrastination anymore.

"Ten years from now, you would be wishing that you've started Today." - Author Unknown.

You are the only full-time policeman that can stop this burglar from stealing your time and success.

The world's greatest enemy is ourselves.

Befriend him/her. (:

Things You Will Never Hear In Church.

"Hello, my name is Alexaiver Peacemaker. I used to be known as JT or Xavier I've thrown away my lousy past. I've lost a person who meant the whole world to me, now she's no longer my world but my past. And today i stand here, telling the world that i did not regret. I had a chance to rebuild my life, a chance to pick myself up and stand up on my own. And finally, I chance to realise the beauty or this universe with it's diversity and life and that this world is so worth living in. That's why I never really went back for good... I Left Church."

Apologies to the original author of this post: Dawn Shine.

Her's is the total opposite of mine. :X

Absence Of Hunger.

It's a stress related eating disorder. :/

I feel really fat because I don't get to feel hungry anymore. I eat simply because I know I wouldn't have the chance to later on. My mother laughed at me when I told her this. She laughs at everything except herself.

Now I that I don't know when to eat, I am starting to worry about my metabolism rate. Stupid.

Half A Nightmare.

I have been having weird dreams lately.

Bad dreams.

I wouldn't call them nightmares as they do not give me spaz attacks in the middle of the night, they are just simulating me in an awkward or unfavorable situation.

One dream was of me playing with my lighter in my home. Suddenly the lighter felt hot, and it started to tremble. I dropped it and ran to the corner of the room. The lighter gave out sparks and I tried to reach for my fire extinguisher which was near the lighter (Silly, why did I drop it there of all places.) But I woke up before the entire house started burning down because Dorna called.

Another dream taught me the importance of dressing nicely even if I am just out for dinner. I dreamt that I was in my home clothes and out with my mom when met my old neighbor who was now grown up and looking like a man. He was nicely dressed (Brown tee, biker jacket, jeans and a simple necklace.) and... Howdy hooo! Guess who's he out with? JJ Lin and Hong JY! And we sat at Starbucks for a drink and some chitchat. And I really felt lousy because I was dressed like a slug.

I have more, but I somehow couldn't remember the content. Haha!

Btw,

My mom found one of my ex-gf's picture in her computer.

Mom: Who is that??

Me: Oh, that is ***... I used to be very close to her.

Mom: Har, then what happened?

Me: Naah, we drifted.

Mom: Oh, Nevermind lah. She's so ugly!!!

LMAO.

Note: "***" does not suggest that the name has 3 letters. This is to protect the identity of the person involved. Human rights, people.

A Wish

Many feel that a wish is usually more of a need than a want. But why do wants satisfy your inner souls better than needs?

You need food, air and water to survive. But if I enclose you in a cell and give you all your needs and ignore your wants, you will be miserable, wouldn't you?

Wishes satisfy our inner soul. Satisfaction in our inner souls give us bliss, happiness and a sense of fulfillment. People classify things that are not in our 'needs list' as a want and is therefore not important. But if you look are life as a whole, happiness, bliss and fulfillment is really a Need.

On the 29th April 1980 Make-A-Wish Foundation granted it's first wish to a 7 year old boy, Christopher James Greicius, who was suffering from leukemia. Chris' wish was to be a policeman for a day and his wish was granted thanks to the donation and support from the people.

Through the years, Make-A-Wish Foundation has granted many wishes to children all over the globe. And till this day, Make-A-Wish Foundation Singapore has granted 527 wishes to children who are suffering from terminal illnesses.

Lets make a donation in celebration of the Make-A-Wish Foundations first accomplished wish and indirectly help to fulfill the inner needs of these children. :D

http://www.makeawish.org.sg/main.html

I am not paid to do this by the way. :X

The World Is Round, So Is Life.

If you have happiness today,

You will lose it someday but later on you will gain it back.

If you have money today,

You will surely spend it but you will still gain it back someday..

It is a cycle!

Nothing last forever,

Treasure what you have.

& The end is just the start of another new beginning.

Think of it this way, we have many 'natural disasters' in our life and when this happens, all our 'assets' are gone and we are almost worthless to ourselves. But we can't just stay there and stare at the destroyed fields and wallow in self-pity; we need to help ourselves by rebuilding all the assets and getting help from others! If a country doesn't say a word about its natural disaster area, who in the world would ever guess?

It is OKAY to rebuild your life again from scratch.

All of us have this chance,

But it is a choice whether we want to take it or not!

We do not necessarily need to re-live all our entire life,

Regrets are not avoidable.

One situation,

A thousand ways to face it.

Pick one and make sure it is a wise one. (:

It Never Felt So Dear.

"No CCA for the rest of the year."

That used to be my wish.

I was always envious at the sec 4s who step down from choir every year.

And now, it's my turn.

It doesn't feel like much of a relief.

In fact, choir never felt so dear.

Today was my last practice with the choir and I could only be there for 45minutes. Got hugs and tears within that period. I never knew I meant that much to them, sometimes I even think that they hate me. But I guess I am just a little too paranoid. I don't like scolding others as much as I don't like to get scolded. In choir, I learnt way more than just how to sing. I learnt how to face my fears, lead, be a friend, and be a middle person. If I hadn't been in choir in my secondary school life, my life would have changed tremendously.

But I am very sure that if we didn't change conductor, and our conductor is still that old heck, I would praise the lord for this day! LOL.

I will most likely still be joining choir for poly because I love the CCA too much. Haha! Singing in choir is very different from singing as a soloist. It's really fun and relaxing sometimes (If the choir doesn't go out of tune).

So I guess I am kinda like a choir addict now.

EXCUSE ME?

HUGEEEE MISUNDERSTANDING PEOPLE!!!!

I AM SINGLE!

"Dear Stephanie" is a song that I am addicted to.

And the chorus only contains one line:

"Dear Stephanie, I love you."

Aiyohh, all the kaypos suddenly appear.
What a 'wonderful' way to start my busy week!

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UPDATE:

The kiss thing is AN ACCIDENT.

My friend and I wanted to cheek kiss but we turned at the same time and accidentally lip kissed.

The Black Hole Of Love.

The best way to find love is to stop searching.

Ever heard of the phrase 'Falling in love'? Falling doesn't need effort. Nobody tries to fall every time they walk do they? Falling is an accidental thing. Something that is the least expected. If you keep expecting or wanting it to happen, it is never gonna happen.

Reminder:

No falls come without pain.

Even in the context of love.

Dear Stephanie, I love you.

I am not a lip virgin for 2010 anymore.

And the person who took it away was the least expected.

Things Happen. :P

------------------------------------------------------

Saturday is gone.

I learnt my lesson,

Going out with my mom is time consuming.

She has all the time in the world to window shop and she doesn't really care if I have homework or not. So my Saturday is gone without me completing much.

The thing that frustrates me most is that, she likes to search and look around before getting that item. To her it is to reassure that there are no other better ones. But to me, it is a waste of time as we end up going back to the same bloody place from where we started off anyway.

Another thing about her is, she brushes off everything I say. Sometimes no comments, sometimes it is a change of topic. And if there are ANY comments, it is to correct me. "You should have...." "Then at that moment of time you could have...." "Why didn't you.....". It's over mom, if I could, I MIGHT turn the clock back and do what you have told me to. 'Might' is used because I am different from you and I do not do things the same as you do.

Different perception,

Different pace of life.

Maybe that's why me and my mother never get along quite well.

To all who live and breathe.

I will be posting more during weekends!

Weekdays are for studying!!

Actually everyday is for studying. LOL.

Will update soon!! :D

I am no Christian, but if it comes out in my thoughts Imma blog it! :D

I give a little boy a poison candy and told him not to open the wrapper or something bad might happen to him and that included death.

Later I gave him the antidote and told him that he won't die from opening the wrapper and having the candy as long as he keep the antidote close to him but I wouldn't be happy.

I = God

Little boy = Humans

Poison Candy = Sin

Wrapper = Faith

Opening of wrapper = Break

Antidote = Saviour

GOD give HUMANS SIN and told HUMANS not to BREAK FAITH or something bad might happen to HUMANS and that included death.

Later GOD gave HUMANS the SAVIOUR and told HUMANS that HUMANS won't die from BREAKING FAITH and DOING the SIN as long as HUMANS keep the SAVIOUR close to HUMANS but GOD wouldn't be happy.

PINK DOT 2010

YEAAAHH BABY YEAAHHH!

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!!!

IT'S FINALLY HEREEEE!

FRIENDS WHO WANNA COME ARE WELCOMED! :D

LOVE LOVVE LOOOVVEEE!

"We were born alone, we go to our graves alone. But there is no reason why anyone should live alone."

Come join Pink Dot 2010 on 15th May, 5pm.

It's free anyways! (:

Unabashed Love.

"What's a bathing suit? You don't wear anything when you bathe!!"

"Exactly."

---------------------------------------

I wanna apologise for my long ago post.

I posted something about people who are depressed all the time and perhaps some of you found the way I bring out the message a little too harsh.

My point was, you hold the key to your happiness.

You can choose to be happy if you want. Emotions are like moving your fingers, you have control over them.

Our brain is almost the size of our head but we only use a small percentage of it. Controlling our emotions is not impossible.

These humble views I put up on my blog are solely my views. You are not me and therefore you might think otherwise. But of course I would be happy if you realised something from reading my blog and decide to follow it. I respect views from all points although I might not agree with all of them. (:

Be happy, stay positive.

Bliss in always in your heart.

If You Fear It, Face It.

Some of you expressed fear when I posted the girl from the movie Exorcist as my profile picture on facebook. Below is an image of the Exorcist girl. If you fear it, click it.

http://crapaganda.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Exorcist.jpg

Knots are the problems in your heart.

They get tighter day by day as you delay these problems. The reason why you delay these problems are because you fear facing it.

Homework or career work:

Fear: Tiredness, frustration, exhaustion, etc.

Exam:

Fear: Stress, frustration, failure etc.

Relationships:

Fear: Rejection, truth, argument, anger etc.

You can say you are lazy or you just couldn't be bothered, but that's just an excuse covering up your main fears.

You fear the weariness after doing your work that's why you don't want to start!

You fear the rejection or truth therefore you hesitate to tell your friends that the things they said bother you!

These thing demotivate you, and you don't like it! But if you do not face your fears you will never get over them. Just because these things demotivate you, you forget about the satisfaction you will get after accomplishing the task.

Instead of running away from a problem, why don't you try facing it? (:

Problems will remain there if unsolved and accumulated problems often make things worse.

So instead of skipping a remedial because it already started and you are 30mins late because you remembered the timetable wrongly, you can step into the class 30mins late, apologize to the teacher and told her what happened and join the remains of the lesson even if it is 15mins, 50mins or just 5 mins!

The time left has nothing to do with the reason you should skip.

In fact the only reason you want to skip is because you don't want to face you fear!

If you joined the remedial session late:

You have attended the remedial late but you got an idea of what is taught. You got a scolding for 2mins but the teacher will probably let it go on the spot. You have the worksheets that is given on that day. You missed out less.

If you skipped:

The teacher is mad. You missed out what is taught. You don't have the worksheets or notes for that topic. You have to explain yourself and the scolding duration is probably longer than 2mins. Your results are at stake. You haven't faced your fears. & If you are unlucky, you probably will be sent for detention.

The more fears you face the braver you become.

And life would be way smoother without fear.

To face your fears is to eliminate problems the moment they pop up,

To untie the knots even before they are fully formed,

And to be responsible for what you have done.

This is the real photo of the Exorcist girl (Linda Blair):

Small Actions Have Great Meanings.

As much effort as I take to blog, I hope you guys will leave a tag or two on my tag board.

It looks so dead.. :X

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Have you ever had that stress feeling?

The head-pounding, stomach-cringing, and exhausted feeling?

If yes, then there are knots in your heart that is waiting to be untied.

These knots can be your homework, exams, friendship, relationship etc.

And once a knot is formed, it is best to untie it soon before it gets too tight to untie!

How to untie that knot?

I will tell you in the next post.

Fate.

I really need to study but I will blog anyways.

I need to talk to you guys about Fate.

If you believe in 'The One' or 'Lady Luck' you probably believe in fate. Fate is something that it coincidental, as if it was planned by God or The Universe. Something that strikes at the right place and right time.

Many people out there are searching for love.

They go around their daily lives analysing everyone,

Crushing on the ones they find better than others...

Some call this action Desperation or Despo-ness.

I think it's just human nature and they are not to blame.

If there isn't crushers or likers in the first place,

There wouldn't be couples!

Today I just want to tell all the people out there who are looking for love,

There is someone looking for you out there

And you are worth far beyond value to him or her.

I admit that I am looking for someone,

And I feel that everyone (even some that are married) are still looking for 'The One'.

Sit back, relax and let fate do the job.

Bloodshot Eye.

Hmm, I don't know why but I secretly feel accomplished when I saw my bloodshot eyes. It tells me that I have studied hard enough, but then again it tells me that I have poor time management. :/

Oh well, just a short post.

Will study hard hard from now on.

NO HORNY MEANINGS.

Natasha Bedingfield

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.

Frozen

If you didn't use a fan last night because it was way too freaking cold, you are not alone.

Anyways, TODAY IS EASTER SUNDAYYY!

But I am not very happy because:

1) Tomorrow is Monday

2) We have a Biology Mock Test

3) And my Biology tutor canceled on me.

But if there's a problem, THERE IS ALWAYS A SOLUTION! :D

I'll study myself and try to understand, duh!

Hope I can do it fast too..

A long line of homework is waiting to be done.

Homework: Do me! Do me haaaarrd!!!!

OKAY, THAT IS WRONG!!!!

Change topic!

For those who don't know what Morphine is,

It's a kind of pain killer that is banned in some countries.

Anyways, it's a drug that kills pain.

So yep, I hope to kill your pain!

Remember My Name

I feel fat.

But I don't seem to have the time for exercise.

Okay, lets just say I am PLAIN LAZY.

And I put comfort, sleep and work as priority instead of health.

Which is stupid.

Hmm, y'know, the funny thing about blogging is that it helps you get a hold of your thoughts (at least for me I guess) it helps me to reflect on myself and, in the process of typing, think of a solution for the problem. (:

I do not believe in moaning over a problem for long.

Haha, in fact, I don't wish to believe in anything that makes me sad for long. LOL!

Emotions are just as important as health is.

And emotions are easier to control than health. :D

So smile!

And to those who think that your life is pathetic and oh-so-miserable,

I am sorry to say this, but you choose to do so.

Emotions are self-created and self-destructive.

Nothing can pull you into the deep depths of sorrow unless you allow it to.

There are many MANY people out there who live lives worse than yours.

Yet THEY are happier than you.

That proves it all. Period. (:

"Dude, not to make you feel more of a failure in life than you already do, but even the kid who has money problems but still has to go to the hospital on a daily basis after school for kidney dialysis is happier than you."

Dorna Kash knows exactly what I'm talking about. (;

There is an emo epidemic infecting the globe as I type this.

People are comparing who's life is more pathetic in order to win pity.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL!?!?!

Dear God,

I am not pleading you to help them neither am I asking you to stop Satan from affecting them. Because I know, you have done your best and only they can help themselves. The food is served on the table but if they do not have it, they would still be hungry.

Amen.

There is an emotion known as happiness and bliss in every one of us. God put it in us. But if we choose to hide that emotion and only focus on the negative ones, we will remain sad. We choose starve ourself of happiness and bliss... What under the heavens would be a good enough reason for that? :/

------------------------------------------

This post is not targeted at anyone.

But if you do feel that this problem is affecting you,

Slap yourself awake and fight it.

The Return.

Apparently, Livejournal is such a bitch to me.

I want to post but there is always errors preventing me from posting!

Oh well, there is always good old blogger i guess. :D

Tomorrow is Good Friday and I have morning prayers!

My siesta will be broken at about 6AM.

I hope I don't feel/look like a irritable lump of Chinese when I go for prayers.

April Fools' day wasn't much of a prank.

More drama mama than anything else in the world.

Will tell you all another time! (:

Btw, I made the exorcism girl as my profile picture in facebook,

check it out, it's pretty cool!