Can Someone Please Tell Me....

Why do hearts flutter?

Why do people float away after kisses?

Why does having someone around you matter?

Why does being wanted feel so good?

Why when two lives decide to cross paths, it becomes one?

What does it feel like to be in your own world?

What does it feel like to chase or woo someone?

What is that strong feeling that forces grins on to people's faces?

Why do we fall, get hurt, stand up and want to fall in love again?

Why are people not seeing the beauty in themselves?

Why is there nervousness?

How does it feel like to like someone that won't like you back?

Why does being kissed feel magical?

Cause I think I have totally lost trace of love.

Thank God, Karma and The Circle of Life.

I think my family is pretty cool even though my parents are a little dumb in thoughts sometimes.. Especially my mom. -.-

But the uniqueness is priceless.

I have a dad who is supportive of everything I do and a mom who hangs the kitchen gloves by their middle fingers ON PURPOSE, showing a vulgar sign which most parents would probably disagree to...

And they drink as much as me too.. :X

What more can I ask for?

Full Moon.

For some, it means nothing. For some, it gives a shiver down the spine. And for some.. Well, they give me an expression with one lifted eyebrow as if I am crazy to follow lunar phases.

But there are many things that occur during a full moon. We are made up of 70% water and when the moon changes it's position, the tide changes and in turn, WE change. For some it is a minor change, but for some, it is major. Some get depression on nights of the full moon. Some become irritable. The ill ones usually get it worse on this night but nothing beats the shape shifting of a being into something else. That change isn't major... It is drastic.

In Thailand, on last month's night of the full moon.. Two boats collided on the way to a full moon party. 39 were injured and 2 went MISSING. Where did those two go?

Some mysteries are best left unsolved...

Physical Death.

When I saw my tortoise this morning, I knew it wasn't good. The labored breathing, swelling of the eyes, pale mouth and infections have gotten worse. My parents care for them too, but with little knowledge. Finally after so long, I decided to search for a turtle vet in Singapore. I found one online but I feel that I am a little late in doing so. I feel smart but at the same time, stupid.

When an illness catches up with our bodies, it is going to make it weaker and more vulnerable, as if telling us that it is almost time for our spirits to be free from this shell that we have been living in. Our bodies will suffer from this but our spirits shall always be healthy.

So the next time you see a cancer patient or someone that is very ill, remember that it is only the body that is ill. Not the spirit itself.

And when you are ill, remember that too.

I AM NOT STRAIGHT.

And I am not shy about it.

If there were rumors, I am here to end it.

If there are opposing opinions, I am here to respect it.

If there are girls who think that I like them,

I am here to say, "GET OVER YOURSELF."

Puke, giggle, laugh, beat me up, try to change me, bring me to church or tell me that I am going to hell. I have been through it all and I don't mind going through it again if it is what it takes to

BE MYSELF.

I am different it doesn't mean I am abnormal.

I am LESBIAN doesn't mean I fall for any girl.

Just because I do not dress like a girl doesn't mean I want to be a guy.

And just as any straight girl with the right mind only falls for someone special, I DO NOT LIKE JUST ANY FREAKING GIRL THAT BEFRIENDS ME.

I AM NOT STRAIGHT,

YES, I AM LESBIAN.

ACCEPT IT OR DUMP IT.

Why would I want to befriend someone who constantly pulls an awkward tension out of nothingness just because they are girls and I am a lesbian and they assume that I would probably fall for them?

ASSUME = Making an ASS out of U and ME

Saying this the nice way never ever gets the message across. I am sick and tired of people avoiding me for the things I didn't do. Don't like it? Not comfortable? Just tell me about it and leave, okay? Don't avoid. No point in playing a cat and mouse game to waste both our time. You can go be narcissistic for all I care, I will do fine on my own.

I don't give two shits.

Choice Is Freedom With A Price To Pay.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

—Mark Twain

Choosing a poly course is more stressful than anything I have ever faced in my life up till now. How? Sigh.

Mirror

How you treat others is how others treat you.

If you treat others like an experiment, like a fool, then others will too. That is how emotions usually prompts us to react. If a person keeps in too much hate, he or she will react in hateful ways, just like a mirror that reflects whatever that is shone upon it. Some call this karma, but I call this a waste of time.

Reversely, if you do not offend people, people will not offend you. However, in a mirror, refraction happens too. And people who aren't involved get affected. The hate multiplies from an area to another. Whether it continues to spread or not really depends on the individuals who received the hate. Wise ones will dump it, whereas some will hold on to it and wait for a target to throw at.

These are all caused by emotions.

People who are "numb" are usually the ones who have emotions but are not controlled by it. People can shoot them hateful words and gestures, but they do not choose to take it to heart. They dump it. Just like a beginner guitarist, his fingers might bleed and blister from the pressure against the strings, but at the end of the day, it is the perfect musical piece that is an achievement to him.

Same for us, the peace and harmony is what matters in the end.

That is our perfect musical piece.

Forgive.

I've Got The Magic In Me.

Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold.

Yes, it is narcissistic.

But it's okay, Bob approves of this message.

LOL

Make Me Wanna Die.

Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless.

Seventeen and beautiful.

Crazy vocals and talent.

What more can I say?

Watch her yourselves.

Death.

It was a late night for a Wednesday and I was at the bus stop with two friends getting ready to go home and hit the sack. Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice hit me....

"You are ugly. Ugly!" I heard a man say.

Instinctively, I turned and looked. He was sitting on a bench beside me and was apparently shouting at the air. My heart wenched as I realized the painful truth of what this world has become. The man was alive, but he is murdered and nearly dead inside.

Death has two kinds - Physical and emotional. Physical death is simple to understand. It is like being dead outside. The shell (body) is dead, but the spirit is alive and it shall continue it's journey in the universe. Physical death is nothing.

Emotional death are the ones that hurt the most. Being dead inside means your body is still alive, but your spirit is half gone. You are a living husk with no emotions. Many people call this depression, but I call it dying. Like a wallet with no money, being dead or alive doesn't really matter anymore. Who would bring a wallet out of their house if they know it is empty?

As I wait for the bus to arrive, the man continues to chant...

"So ugly."

"You are so ugly."

"I don't like you."

"I don't think I like your face."

"Horrible face. Ugly!"

"Dirty dirty man. So ugly."

Those were different words of the same meaning. The same words that I am able to relate to two years ago. I stood there as each word pierced through my heart and I felt a strong urge to tell him.....

"You are beautiful."

But then my bus came.

Dragon Slayer

Who cares about your Lineage character when you can slay real live Dragons?

(Even though you look a lot better in the game. Lol.)

Yes, I am slaying the Dragons to protect my Empire, The GCE O'levels.

I am currently trying to slay Mathagon (Math)

and later I shall be slaying Geogondeur (Geography).

All Knights of the kingdom unite!

Lets fight hard to slay these utterly evil dragons

and build a bustling and victorious city with the name of GCE O'levels

so that people may come and view us with envy!

And wise ones will decide to stay.

This is a shout out to all brave knights out there!

Our three years of training will NOT be wasted.

We shall get what we deserve and archive what we yearn for.

This is the time to show our worth.

It is time to gather our weapons.

97 Days To Conquer

The war has been called.

Change.

As water flows in a river, it never repeats it's patterns. Every time you take a picture or just take a look at it, each moment is special because you can never recapture the same picture again. A river is constantly changing. In fact, almost everything is and we are too.

Everyone is constantly changing. So when you say you know this person, you only know the past version of that person. You don't know the present version of that person. I was quarreling with my mom five minutes ago (truth), but me five minutes ago is very different from me now. I am not angry anymore, I am at peace. I don't want to throw chairs and flip tables now, I want to blog. You didn't know me, you would think that the me five minutes ago was my evil twin!

So the next time before you stare hatefully at someone who scolded you yesterday (or five minutes ago) try to forget it and let it go. Because that person who scolded you only existed yesterday. Today, he is a different person.

Forgive.

Messing With The Phantom.

If Mythical creatures like Werewolves, Witches/ Wizards and Vampires really exist, it would be quite funny for them. Humans with little knowledge are often making assumptions about them writing novels, directing movies, sketching cartoons etc. Most of these creatures have a humanly form. (You can't tell a witch or werewolf from looking at them. You can only guess.) And because they have a humanly form, they live normal lives. So they end up reading the novels, and watching the movies... And most of the time, facepalming themselves as the delusion people have of them plays brightly on the screen. But of course there is the biasness of certain species of mythical creatures. Some are even portrayed as beautiful monsters.

I think these creatures are only mythical because of the way human made them to be mythical. But trust me, they live their lives as humanly as yours - working late shifts, rushing piles of homework and even getting retrenched by their employers. They have creeds to hold and reeds to bide.

Real witches for example, do not go around with a wand, changing everything they dislike into something of their preference. They do not look extremely ugly with crooked noses nor do they stir pots of green goo in the basement of their houses. (some don't even have basements!) They don't really fly on brooms either due to the possibilities of crashing into an airplane.

So if you ask me, do these creatures exist, I would say it really depends on how you view them. If you feel that vampires are the creatures depicted in movies such as Near Dark and in books such as Dracula and Interview With A Vampire, then I would have to say no. If on the other hand, you beleive that vampires are people who are basically normal with the exception of one or two abnomalities such as hypersensitivity to light, heightened psychic abilities, and the physical need to consume blood, then my answer would be yes.

Just a question.

In our society...

Which of the homosexual sexes are more accepted? Gay men, or Lesbian women?

Just something to ponder about.

Nine Temples.

The storyline is not very straight forward, but if you want a Horror film that doesn't end with some curse or whatever, this is it!

And if you want to watch with me again, I am all for it!

scare-o-meter:

4/10

Darkest Night

Tonight is the night of the New Moon.

And I am celebrating it.

I am gonna watch 9 Temples at Shaw House.

No friends, just me.

It's just a movie after all,

If I can watch twilight alone, why not 9 temples?

Peace.

Comment.

Today some face reader person told me, "You have no evil in your eyes, only anger and frustrations that will conclude in forgiveness." That sentence struck me for a long time.

Now I am mixed with thoughts as I scan every person that I know in my head and realised what he meant by evil in the eye. Certain people have it, and it is true.

But it isn't very accurate.

PS: Pictures were taken damn long ago.

So if I look different, you know why.

Neutral Relationships

One of the rules to loving yourself is not getting into unhealthy relationships.

I personally feel that neutral relationships are the healthiest!

If you can say hello, you must be able to say goodbye.

If not, this relationship is not neutral.

Goodbyes are difficult and they hurt the most! But if you are able to say goodbye to someone and hello again later on, goodbye doesn't really affect you. And thats the thing about neutral relationships - Goodbye doesn't hurt you!

Promising yourself a relationship that will be the same forever is like tying a time-bomb at your waist. Nothing is the same forever and expecting that kinda relationship is guarantee-ing yourself nothing but disappointment.

Neutrality is what brings peace and balance, keeps away jealousy, brings in flexibility AND helps you love others better.

Do not chain yourself or anyone else up.

Forgive.

Actually, I Love You.

If I told you what I am doing is just out of pure love, would you believe me?

The opening of doors, the sending home, the free food, the sacrifices, the extra affirmation, the defensiveness and protectiveness and etc.

Tell you what, probably everyone that will read my blog and is a treasured friend of mine will think that I am talking about them.. because these are the normal daily things I do to EVERYONE. I enjoy it, but this sometimes sends the wrong messages to people. To add it on, I sometimes even cheer on the ones I hate!

Sigh... I guess I got numbed... In a good way.

Why do we need reasons to spread love?

Why does it always have to be about getting someone or something?

Why is there always a hidden motive?

If it is because of my sexuality that you are afraid of me falling for you, then you fear right! Because I love you. I really do. ALL of you.

Forgive.

PS: God, save me.

Magick

No, do not try correcting me. It is magick and magick it is.

Magick is not magic. Magic are tricks whereas magick is your so called "witchcraft". It exist in this world until this day, coming in many forms. Every culture having their own kind of "witch" in a way... Voodoist and mediums etc.

But not all of them are evil as the fairytale portraits, they only look evil. Perhaps it is because of the colour they dress in - black.

Why do witches dress in black? Well, black is actually a colour of harmony, the colour of the universe as black doesn't reflect any form of light, it absorbs. Therefore black is the combination of all colours on earth. Also, black absorbs energy allowing a witch to cast more powerful spells. It also helps to concentrate his power.

As for why fairytale witches are so ugly with warts and hairs on their faces, lets just say I have no idea why and they aren't like that in real life! They are just normal looking people with non-human powers (and sometimes even thoughts).

Embrace Diversity.
Forgive.

Belief.

A very very strong thing a belief is.

It can turn lies into truth.

Bide the Wiccan law ye must,

In perfect love and perfect trust,

Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill:

An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee,

So ever mind the law of three.

Follow this with mind and heart,

Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Blessed Be.

Hate Comes In Sizes.

Detachment, is the key to truly experiencing this universe. When you are holding on to something, you cannot experience another. Therefore, holding on to an emotion and letting it bug you will not only waste your times of happiness, but also it will chain you from the freedom to explore. and experience other things.

Actually, how much somebody hates you have nothing to do with how much you will be affected by the hate. I was just told by a friend just now that somebody hates me. Being curious, and of course a little confused, I asked if she had reasons. And indeed she does! So she told me and I find it sort of ridiculous, so I simply turn it away and continue with what I believe in.

Have confidence in what you believe in, let no one but yourself shift the way you think. Self-worth comes from you! You must know how much you are worth and not let others put a price tag on you!

So, the next time someone hates you, or does something not very nice to you and you feel hurt...

Detachment:

Experience it. Don't hide from it, let yourself feel it and tell yourself, "Okay, this is hurt. I feel it. I recognize it. Now, I am going to detach from it to experience other things." Then you must let it go and forget it.

Know your worth:

Self-worth comes from you. Do not question your worth just because someone hates you, by doing that, you are letting others put a price tag on you! Not very wise. So stand tall with confidence and continue your day!

Hate comes in sizes,

And YOU get to determine it!

Forgive.

My First Bracelet.

Yes, I can picture people freaking out thinking why would I ever own a bracelet because it's kinda girly, but now I do, and it is pretty cool!

The creative creator of this is none other than Jeannette Chong.

What you see here isn't everything. Even though the bracelet look unique enough, the contents are even more unique! And no, I am not referring to the content of love in there, I am talking about the materials it is made out of. Not the finest, not the most expensive, but it is the most special. And I like the tribal feeling.

I am not gonna tell all of you what it is made of, if you really want to know, come and ask me. But is not something that you can buy outside, it is made of recycled materials. Save the environment! (:

Peace.

& Thanks Jeannette! :D

Nursing.

Yes, you all are right when you give me the shocked look. It is not really my thing.

I still love music and no, I haven't gave up.

I still have a long long long way to go.

So much love for music that I cannot contain..

Truth is mom, 3 years to go for a course that gives a diploma that allows me to spread love professionally... I don't mind. But you nagging at me, trying to get to me with your stupid "who knows, you might become a lab researcher one day!" is not going to work...

Time to throw the things you said to me back at you.

"Ambition and reality are two different things."

I am going to do music, mom.

If all things fail, then maybe and hopefully, I can still have a small audience that enjoy my music at the hospital. Just a small audience that I can pour my love on and make them feel warmer. (:

Without music, life would be a mistake.

Forgive.