Sick and Sad.

I don't know why but I am pretty depressed lately. Its like this rush of negativity trying to swallow me up. I am pessimistic, and sick, and I cannot breath, sleep or eat properly. My worst fear is that I would go back and become that self hurting, suicidal freak again.

Somehow, after much thought, I decided not to believe in love at all and just simply stay single forever (one of my signs of pessimism) because I have heard this far too many times:

"I don't know, I really like him, but its not like I want to marry him y'know?"

And it makes me wonder, why get in a relationship that will cause hurt in the end anyway? I guess all relationships would end someday. Even after marriage, death may occur. So if I look at it this way, why get into a relationship anyway? Then I can meet my ex-girlfriend without having to explain to someone and I can have more time to myself, my dogs and nature. Right? But it is nice to be loved.

Sigh. Ultimately, I blame the stress and the whatever virus that hit me. It must be driving me crazy. And I miss my friends. I miss playing monopoly deal and winning and having angry friends throwing monopoly money at me every time I issue a rent card.

Haha. Oh well. Take life as is goes.

Call me a coward but love really hurts.

PS: The next time someone breaks up with you because they think they are causing you too much pain, laugh and tell them, "The pain doesn't end like this, silly." And walk away.