No Pain No Gain.

The day I told myself that I would view this world positively and make happiness my piority was a day of change. And if it wasn't for the fact the I am down in the dumps, this change would not have occured.

Everything happens for a reason.

I have said that many times and I am not tired of saying it again because time after time I have found myself realising that negative events in the past actually have positive effects on the future. For example, if I didn't break up with my ex, I think I would still be wasting my life away by abusing myself. Not that it had anything to do with my ex (she's really nice) it was just me. And breaking up was a big wake up call to me. I felt like I suddenly lost everything because I built my future around her. But what it really was, was a new begining. Of course, at that point of time I didn't see this but now as I look back, I can tell that the way I react to things now is very different from the way I reacted to things before the break up.

This was mainly because of the amount of soul searching and advice I got from my friends during my lowest period. I was torn down and rebuild again. I have new view points about life and I am now stronger than I was before! I feel like I upgraded my os! Lol.

So yeah. Bad things happen for good reasons most of the time and in the next post, I will share with you my experience of losing my wallet. Yes, that happened for a good reason too.

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Selflessness.

And you don't have to be in the army to live in honor. It's a choice.

Credit: Tingwei

Self-Censorship.

Last night, I finally showed a little disagreement to my mother about her point of view of my future.

My parents, mainly my mom, believes that working for the government will give me a better future. Her stand was that the government always gives bonus when he should and pays a fair monthly pay whereas private companies might not (if the boss is happy you get your bonus, if he is not, you don't get it). This is also mainly because the government is has LOAAAADSA money and they can afford to pay their workers well without missing a single cent. So in other words working for the government is more stable than working for privates.

For those who know me well enough, I can be tough, but being in the police force or the military for the next 30 years of my life isn't exactly what I am looking forward to doing. Yes, it is stable and I might consider criminology (a kind of behavioral psychology) if I enter the police force as a professional (which means I don't have to wear the police uniform and I get a freaking high pay, something like a CID), but I don't know if I will be happy carrying a loaded gun around with me hoping that there will never be a time in my life that I need to use it.

Call me naive. Maybe I really am. But sometimes ignorance is bliss and not knowing so much is good. If I follow my mom's way, I have a strong feeling that there would be nights that I can't sleep. Not because I have work to do but because of all the shit I know that's running through my mind again and again like gunshots and explosions in a battlefield. And I can bet with you that there is nothing more tiring than not having a free mind.

There is so much I can do but yet she doesn't see it. My window of opportunities to her is no bigger than the window on a jail cell. I feel trapped like a bird whose cage is too small for it to spread its wings. But yet I still act as if I agree, because I know every sign of disagreement would ripple to disaster. Last night I tried and I proved myself right.

"Fake a smile and just agree." My dad always tells me. But how long can you fake a smile? My mom can talk for hours and hours about my future and if I really just fake a smile and agree, I am taking away my mom's chance of really understanding me for who I am! But I guess she will not appreciate the REAL me anyway. She never did. So when I communicate with my mom it will be "Screen saver mode: On" + Nodding when needed. How sad.

First nursing, now this.

Am I being fake or just keeping peace?

The Importance Of "I"

I apologise in advance for the disappointment that will come as you continue to read this post but I am not a perfect person.

If you read my blog often, you would notice that many of my post are about general life advice. Advice on how to be more positive and happy in life. Truth is, I only discover those things as I type out my post. Most of my posts are unplanned and untried. I can be telling you how changing small things in your life can lead to great outcomes but yet I have never tried that before! So for that I find myself quite irresponsible for what I post sometimes.

BUT THIS POST IS DIFFERENT.

I have tried this on my own and it works so I am introducing it to you.

When I type my previous posts, I tend to use the word "you" a lot when the problem really comes from me instead. For example,

"Everything happens for a reason. If it wasn't because of the things that happened in the past, you wouldn't be at this state today. Whether your current state is good or bad, you are in it for a reason too."

Instead it should be written as,

"Everything happens for a reason. If it wasn't because of things that happened in the past I wouldn't be at this state today. Whether my current state is good or bad, I am here for a reason."

Now I want you to try to think of a statement that reflects a common problem within you and your friends and SAY IT OUT using the word "you" for the first time and then try changing "you" to "I" for the second time.

How different are the two statements in terms of the emotions produced?

Which one has more impact?

For me, the effect of using the world "I" helps me reflect better and realise more. I believe that using the word "I" helps me to generate a motivation for change in the subconscious mind and also brings me to the point of self-actualisation.

You = Pointing my finger at others

Therefore, there will be less impact on myself

I = Pointing my finger at myself

Therefore, it is like admitting my fault and it has better impact on me.

Try it and see if it works for you! :)

Defused Bomb.

I am back from camp! And no lie, I feel like a defused bomb. I was so close to exploding, but I am glad I didn't. I have been in a similar situation before when I went for an immersion trip Bejing for 7 days and honestly, I was stressed out to the point whereby I didn't feel like eating and I felt like I am lost by the 3rd day. But this time it was that bad, I could still eat and stay positive. I just feel like I have just ran a marathon of endurance and I am happy that I have survived it.

Anyway, stress aside, I have learnt many things from the camp. It didn't have any high elements so that was a disappointment and the days were really long to me. But it was productive 'cause I realised a lot more about myself.

I realised that life is almost like a metal concert, you can choose to either shove/punch/kick and stand firm to your ground or get pushed to the back of the room and get beaten up. I am a person who only tells you my truthful opinion if you are my close friend. If you just knew me, I would probably just agree with you even if i really disagree to make peace.

White lies have consequences too. When I tell a white lie, I have to act as if the white lie was true and that is quite a big lie to hide for 4 days and 3 nights. If I want to do what I say I will do, I need to bring out the stubborn Taurus in me and start to stand firm on my opinions. This camp has taught me the price of not being firm and stubborn enough. But of course, I must also do the firm and stubborn thing politely.

This camp wasn't hell to me but it wasn't heaven either.

Nonetheless is was good experience.

Escape To Nature.

For the next 5 days, I won't be online and I will probably be out of contact 'cause I am going for a camp. To me, this camp is going to be something fun and, at the same time, challenging. I am back to face my worse fear of all, heights. And this time, I choose not to feel afraid.

Today I learnt from a workshop about See, Do, Get.

See refers to what you see yourself as.

In my case, I will see myself as a person who has no trouble with heights. I will conquer things related to height confidently, believe in myself and believe in the person who is belaying me.

Do refers to taking your role.

In my case, I will approach height related activities calmly and try to absorb my experience when I am doing the activity. Embrace the feelings other than fear (trust me, I know many other things I could be feeling than just being scared). I should be proactive to the activity, not reactive.

Get refers to what I will archive at the end.

They told me to always start with the end in mind and mine was to overcome heights so that the next time there is anything related to heights, I can embrace it proudly and even be a little excited about it. I think the only way to counter fear is to face it and I hope this camp will give me enough opportunities to overcome my fear.

I am excited about water activities though..

Can't wait to raft or canoe or whatever water related stuff they throw at me.

Amen!