Hold On!

I am aware that I haven't blogged about Project Willpower for last week yet! I am having tests this week. Will update soon~

The Truth of The Hunger Games

This spoken poem hit me really hard. It made me realise that The Hunger Games is more than just a fictional story. In fact, the psychological pain that every victor goes through after The Hunger Games is as real as the trauma every soldier will face after coming back from a war.

"How many wars will it take us to learn that only the dead return the rest remain forever caught between worlds of shrapnel shatters body of three year old girl?"

The soldiers that return from a war will never be the same person again. Their hearts crippled with shock and hands drenched with blood. How can we fight for freedom and happiness when the people who fought for us sleep every night with their eyes open to the replayed scenes of bombings and gore?

"Not all casualties come home in body bags"

Just like how Haymitch has never been fully sober after the Hunger Games, no soldier has fully returned from a war.

My Almost Nothing - JT (A Spoken Poem Monologue)

This is my first spoken poem ever created. And because spoken poems are meant to be read out aloud (that's why they are called spoken poems) this might not make sense when you read it in your head. I promise to post a video clip of me reading it when I am free. But for now, here's the poem:

Maybe you see home as broken
Softer than hair
As stable as floating on air
And maybe it's something you don't believe that you can lean on

Let alone live in

Maybe it's my fault the skies are grey
but I have been trying my best to brighten things up
Brightening it with lights so artificial
It's like placing awkward pictures on the living room walls to cover up the holes

I used to feel warmth but now it's just heat.

'Cause to the people who already know the truth
The holes are so big,
Mending them seemed pathetic.


No use trying to blind yourself with the lights.
When the darkness is as easy to hide as a tattoo across your forehead that says, "Coward."

Lazy.
Fat.
Ugly.
Stupid.
Loser.

And what if one day, this heat turns into a fire...

Would I still save my "Almost Nothing" and leave by the front door
Or jump out of the window to end it all?


I would be laughed at if "Almost nothing" was all that I have.

But I will stay strong enough to laugh at those people
Because if "Almost Nothing" is what I now have
Then I am stronger than them.
I have nothing to lose!

Because the day I stepped out of that burning house, I learned...
That all the light that I need, is the light in our heart keeps us warm
And no one can take that light away.

While you have your degrees in paper,
But I have my degrees in heart and
Let me tell you, it is as hot as fire.

Love.
Passion.

Sometimes the only thing that matters is your point of view

Some good days don't start with blues skies
And bad days don't always start with darker hues

So I will pack my "Almost Nothing" and turn that into "Something"
Something that matters this time.

Short Thought

This has been in my head since ear 1 of poly...

Secondary school:
A: I'm gay
B: OMG.. You lesbian ah? Eeeee *runs away* *tells all the girls to be careful of you*

Polytechnic:
A: Hmm... You are my friend right. Well.. Actually, I.. Errm.. I'm gay.
B: Oh, so you like girls? Okay.

Lol, what happened in between?! Or maybe my secondary school lacked the understanding or homosexuality... Haha, either ways, I still find it kinda funny.

June is PRIDE month! :D

This month is pride month, but I feel like everyday is pride day for me because I have a very open-minded and accepting father and a bunch of wonderful friends! The only person I might need to hide my sexual orientation from is my mother...

I know many people who have it worse off than me.
And that's why I am truly thankful for each and every awesome one of you! :]

It doesn't matter if you are LGBT, straight, or slightly confused...
Pride month is for everyone!

Come to pink dot on the 30th of June to celebrate pride, sg style! :D

Removing The Label

Sometimes people like to give themselves labels. It gives them something to follow. It answers questions like who am I, why am I here, what is my purpose, and how am I suppose to behave. I am not saying that it is wrong to have a label, in fact, I too have a few labels. Sometimes labels give us a sense of security, sometimes they give us mixed feelings.

Recently I have decided to rename my introduction section of my blog. I changed it from "The Butch" to "I Am". The butch is a huge label. And like how some labels at the back of the clothing can bother you sometimes, this label, "Butch" has been prickling me for sometime now.

When searched on google, the word 'Butch' is defined as this:

Butch

Adjective:	Manlike or masculine in appearance or behavior, typically aggressively or ostentatiously so.
Noun:	A mannish lesbian, often contrasted with a more feminine partner.
Synonyms:	masculine

Yes, there is no doubt that I am a boyish female lesbian, however being defined this way makes me feel restricted because I am putting a label on myself and restricting myself from experiencing things that feminine females would experience. I would want to put on nail polish, but I stop and think, "Nah, that's so feminine." or "Omg, if I wear pink, would other girls think that I am not manly enough?". These are just some examples. Other stereotype that follows this label are, "You are suppose to be faster than me! You are a butch leh!" (says a feminine female). I had to highlight his because it is funny how my choice of physical appearance has changed people's perception of my biological make up! Haha.

I am a girl after all and people tend to forget that but I don't blame them for it. My voice is lower than most females and I am bulkier than most females too. I don't mind dudes treating me like a bro, but it kinda hurts when girls treat me like a male too. I will never be a male or a boyfriend. Comparing me and another dude is like comparing a lamp to a speaker. The speaker gives you music while the lamp gives you light. They both are useful, but if you choose to compare the speaker to the lamp and judge them by their ability to give light, then the speaker won't stand a chance!

We all have our own quality and it's okay that they don't match any label or stereotype. Labels are for clothing and let's just leave it at that. :)

"I am who I am"

Just Sharing: Jenna Marbles

This had me giggling like an idiot every time I think about it. So I just thought I'd like to share it with you guys! It's just this girl's impression of what happens in the morning for both males and females.

Project Willpower: Please help me?

I am excited to tell you that I have decided to take on an 8 week challenge which I would call Project Willpower. I think it's no secret that I have been trying very hard to lose weight and I am really really tired of getting results so slowly! Therefore, I feel that determination and consistency is key.

Though these 8 weeks, there will be times that I am busy or less motivated to continue with this project because in these 8 weeks, I will have projects submissions, I will have assignments, I might move house, I am going to learn how to drive, and I am going to take piano classes again. These changes might tick me off and strip me of my discipline to stay true to my program. This is where I need YOUR help.

I will update you on my weight and how I look every week (on Sunday) with a post beginning with "Project Willpower" if you ever catch me not posting on a Sunday, please be a friend and check on me. Maybe scold me a little. Hahaha, I might hate you for it, but in the long run, I will love you.

Okay, enough about me! Let me tell you how this challenge is gonna work. This program consists of the following:

 1) At LEAST 30mins of workout a day.
 2) The zero willpower eating technique. (go google it!)
 3) Sleep tracking. 7-8 hrs of sleep a day.
 4) Alcohol cannot be taken more than once a week.
 5) Sunday's a rest & blog day.

I have been through many different diets and workout plans, I have seeked trainers and joined gym memberships but I think the only thing that is keeping me from my goal is inconsistency. That's why I came up with this program. And your job is to force me to be consistent! So please, torture me as much as possible.

I will not cheat. I will not lie. If I screw up, I will blog about it. And if I really screwed it up, I will do the whole 8 weeks all over again.

This time I am determined to see results.
This time there is no turning back.

Let the transformation begin!

Roller Coaster Ride.

This is for the month of May.

This month, I put my heart on a roller coaster ride and I learnt a lot. Yes, it was an unwise move but life didn't come with an instructional manual and 50 years from now, many people will be more regretful of the things that they had not done than the things that they have.

This month, I found out that I have a heart.
I found out that I can suffer from a fall.
I found out who to not trust.
I found out that some times you wouldn't consciously know when your heart decides to put itself in the hands of another person.
I found out that some people who seem really happy on the outside are really sad inside.
And lastly, I found out that we should just hide all our sorrows or only share them with certain people cuz no one gives a sh*t and some are probably even happy that your life is so fucked up.

It's always easier drown in your own sympathy and say that your life's like shit, but I advice you to keep your heads up! Someone else would gladly take your place in life and work their way out of your rut because they see hope in it.

While you are blinded by self-pity, someone else might see hope in your life. Take the point of view from that person and face life with your heads up! Because when the grass looks greener on the other side, it's time you watered your own grass.

The past is the past and somethings that you did can't be undone. You can only let it go. There is only so much weight you can carry. Let go of some weight, then you will be able to move further in life.

You didn't remember the day it happened. I trusted your words with my heart.But now I know, you don't mean the things you say.Now I know not to take you seriously anymore.

You taught me the importance of sincerity,

Sincerity is the weight of the words.