Sometimes I find myself hating you for what you did. I am trying to forget it and I think it's been going pretty well. Everything is going according to plan. I know this was what I wanted but now I'm not sure if I really want it to happen. Your posts still make my heart race. I find myself scrolling back to read them every time I spot them. I used to desperately try and look for any trace of sadness or signs of you feeling the same as I do. But there's none. And now, I am just looking at them to see if you are doing well.

I guess you don't know what you did but you made me feel like a toy. You made me feel as if you were deliberately making me fall for you. You never get freaked out, you never backed away when I did the 'wrong' things, in fact you kept coming back. Do you have any idea how sick it is for me to battle myself in my own thoughts, trying to convince myself that your actions actually contradict your thoughts and you don't mean the things you do or say? You don't mean you love me. You don't mean you want a relationship with me. You just want a friend. I know that. But it seems that every time I am with you, I forget that.

I am ranting here because I am pretty sure you won't read this and honestly, even if you do, I don't care. I have felt too many wrong emotions. Emotions that I shouldn't even go through and they leave me in constant confusion. Maybe if I told you that I liked you when I first met you, all these wouldn't happen. Maybe if I got rejected harshly back then I would waste less time on you. But I am glad I made the decision I made. I know it's not too late. Forgive me if I'm not there for you anymore, I need to be there for myself.

Maybe this is karma for me. Maybe one day you will understand how I feel when someone gives you the wrong signal and takes you for a spin.

I'm not going to waste my time on you anymore.