It's soft lips and it's hair
It's fire I see when a woman's there
It's not mind not body,
It's heart.
Those were the lyrics from Heart by Jenna Anne. Every time I listen to that song, it brings me back to that moment. To be absolutely honest, I've only considered myself to have been in one true relationship. Yes, I had many past relationships but none of them were as deep as the one where I discovered that I could never go back to dating men. I don't know what the relationship meant to my ex, but it meant a lot to me. It's almost like a puzzle that I can never solve but I never want to stop trying and till now, I am still trying to figure it all out. Even though I no longer have that sore, empty feeling in my heart now whenever I think about our relationship, my heart remembers how it was like.
And I can understand how a person, who has never been in a relationship, might not understand the obsession for love. It's like not being able to miss the taste of a cherry pie because you have never tasted one before. But when the heart has felt that kind of love, it always tends to crave for it and find ways to get that feeling back. That's how people convince themselves that they should date random people, as if falling in love with any random person would bring back that feeling of ecstasy that comes with love. And I can't talk shit about that because I was one of those people too.
I used walk around being as confident as a douche bag, and I guess people just played along too. Most of my relationships started with something like "Hey sexy." and ended in less than a month with "Well, that was fun! Bye for now." and I don't want to play in that game anymore.
I don't know what made me see this, but it is all so clear now. I'm still a child inside with a lot to learn. I know too little about people, things, and life. And at the age of 18, most people are like me too. The closest thing I have to a lifetime of experience is probably Hollywood and Hollywood is for fantasies, not real life.
Everyone has their own opinions, but in my opinion, I'm not ready to date again unless I live on my own expenses and have my emotional issues sorted out. And I expect the same for my future girlfriend whom I can, hopefully, call her my wife someday.
Link to Heart by Jenna Anne: http://youtu.be/koBH4WuJRj4
And I can understand how a person, who has never been in a relationship, might not understand the obsession for love. It's like not being able to miss the taste of a cherry pie because you have never tasted one before. But when the heart has felt that kind of love, it always tends to crave for it and find ways to get that feeling back. That's how people convince themselves that they should date random people, as if falling in love with any random person would bring back that feeling of ecstasy that comes with love. And I can't talk shit about that because I was one of those people too.
I used walk around being as confident as a douche bag, and I guess people just played along too. Most of my relationships started with something like "Hey sexy." and ended in less than a month with "Well, that was fun! Bye for now." and I don't want to play in that game anymore.
I don't know what made me see this, but it is all so clear now. I'm still a child inside with a lot to learn. I know too little about people, things, and life. And at the age of 18, most people are like me too. The closest thing I have to a lifetime of experience is probably Hollywood and Hollywood is for fantasies, not real life.
Everyone has their own opinions, but in my opinion, I'm not ready to date again unless I live on my own expenses and have my emotional issues sorted out. And I expect the same for my future girlfriend whom I can, hopefully, call her my wife someday.
Link to Heart by Jenna Anne: http://youtu.be/koBH4WuJRj4
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