Lost Pages: Past

If I could turn back time and change whatever I wanted, I would treat people better. It's not fun holding on to the regret of not being able to treat someone the way they deserved to be treated once they are gone. And the memories are painful because I only remember 2 things: (1) The undeserving good treatment that I got and (2) How much of a bastard I was. Every time I think of it, I feel like punching myself in the face.

Instead of going into self-hate, I should treat the current people in my life better but it's easier said than done. Nowadays, There are moments when I just can't stand myself. 

I used to be able to brush off negative comments but now, images of situations whereby this negative comment may be true comes into mind even when the comment is made by a friend who was merely joking.

There are so many regrets holding me back. Sometimes, I randomly grunt while eating or doing a task as I just recalled a mistake I've done in the past but when people ask me what's wrong, I'd say 'nothing'. 

I know it's like crying over spilled milk. Maybe I just need time to get over it.